Coming Full Circle

On October 11, 2012, I have the honor and privilege of speaking at the First Baptist Church in Sunray, Texas.  Now, to some big city folks, that might not seem like such a great honor, but for me, it is.  You see, that is the small town I grew up in.  The town where I thought everything in life happened and if I went out of town, I might miss something!  Yes, that is true!

I'm reading through my book again and am reminded that for many years, I held such bad memories in my heart of Sunray.  My parents divorced, my dad died, my family dismantled in a horrible way, my mom died....you get the picture.  These events scarred me for years and I carried wounds so deeply in my soul, I didn't even know they still existed until I began writing my book.

So after five long years of writing and healing, soon I will be standing in the very church I attended with my friends, the Cartrite's.  Oh, how they tried to help me, direct me, teach me as a young girl to come to Jesus.  I never got it at that young age, but I'll never forget their love for me. 

I am looking so forward to this time at home with my friends of long ago.  I'm thrilled to tell my testimony to those who loved me and wanted the best for me.  I took the long way around the mountain, but God has done an amazing work in my heart with His love, grace and mercy and I am here to tell the story!  There is victory to be celebrated!!  Thank You, Lord!

They overcame him by the blood of the Lamb and the word of their testimony; 

they did not love their lives so much as to shrink from death.

Revelation 12:11

A Change of Heart

"No, a true Jew is one whose heart is right with God.  And true circumcision is not merely obeying the letter of the law; rather, it is a change of heart produced by God's Spirit.  And a person with a changed heart seeks praise from God, not from people." ~ Romans 2:29 NLT

One of my favorite quote is:  "You cannot hide a changed heart."  I love that.  It's true, you know?  Have you ever run across someone you haven't seen in years and they are completely different than what you remember? (In a good way?)  What happened, you wonder?  Somewhere along their journey, they must have had a 'change of heart.'

God did a real number on my heart several years ago, once I allowed Him access.  For so many years, I kept God at arm's length because I honestly didn't want to go through the pain of a changed heart.  But then, the pain I was in became more than the pain of changing my heart.  I got on my knees and cried out to God, "Change Me!!!"  I didn't ask God to change anyone else but me. I no longer blamed others, but finally decided it was time I prayed that God change me, instead of everyone else.

You know what happened after that?  Nothing short of a total transformation in my life-seriously!  I began to focus on what was out of whack with me, instead of everyone else and that's when my life changed tremendously!  My only regret is that I didn't do that sooner.

So, is there something keeping you from a 'change of heart?'  Fear?  Stubbornness? Pride?  Whatever it is, dump it and ask God to sincerely change YOUR heart.  He will gladly come to your rescue and answer that prayer...in fact, I sometimes wonder if that is not God's favorite prayer from His children:

"God, will You change my heart to be more like Yours?"

Dog Birthdays in Heaven?

Jesus and Shorty

Today would be Shorty's 15th birthday and I'm wondering how dogs celebrate in Heaven. . .?  I can imagine Shorty running through the grass, playing with the other dogs, and Itty (my cat).  It's been almost 3 weeks since Shorty went to be with the Lord.  The first three days after Shorty's passing were absolutely grueling.  There were many times I didn't think the pain would let up and the heaviness was almost unbearable occasionally.

Then, on the fourth day, God whispered to my Spirit, "Dawn, I gave Shorty to you for a season in your life to fulfill a purpose.  Shorty was wonderful for you during that season and many times, was like an Angel that helped you through some dark days, all the while, bringing you joy every time you walked in your house and she ran to meet you.  Shorty fulfilled her purpose in your life and for that season and now it's time for her to come on home.  That is why I've now given you Sugar.  She will fulfill a different purpose in your life and in this new season."

Sugar and Me

It was those words from God that finally brought some much needed peace to my aching heart.  God knew I needed a "cross-over" dachshund if the time ever came to put Shorty to sleep.  Honestly, I couldn't imagine NOT having a dachshund in my life-ever!  God also knew that I didn't need a puppy to have to train, but I needed a loving dachshund who would sit on my lap for hours; who would be happy to visit my aunts without barking or nervousness; who could travel easily with me if I needed to sneak her into a hotel; a dog who fell in love with me as quickly as I fell in love with her....and many more attributes that go unsaid...but understood.  God knew what I needed even before I asked.

It's crazy to think that He just put Sugar in my path one day, but He did.  I know why and so does He.  My tears today are for joy to celebrate all the wonderful years I had with Shorty Danielle and the wonderful gift God gave me in Sugar Britches.  I am so grateful.  I look at Sugar and see how GOOD God is to me...His mercy triumphs everything.  For all you pet lovers who have lost a loved one, my heart goes out to you as well.  It's difficult to understand the remarkable bond between pet and human...but it is undeniably sometimes thicker than skin, huh?

"The Lord is good to those whose hope is in Him, to the one who seeks Him."

Lamentations 3:25

Life without Shorty

Today ended an almost 15 year relationship between Shorty Danielle, my beloved dachshund dog/child and me.  Our relationship was never "normal", but undeniably, she was a part of me and I of her.  I've never loved a dog like I loved her.  She was without doubt, an Angel sent by God to be with me for almost 15 years.  A constant companion through thick and thin.

Making the decision to put Shorty to sleep has been one of the most difficult decisions I've made in a LONG time. (Don't let the smile fool ya, there's a heart broken into a million pieces underneath it.) Her mental capacity had diminished so drastically in the past few months, I could no longer deny her age and the progression of her dementia.  Denial is such a protective sheath until one day, it's yanked away and you can no longer deny what is right in front of you.

Shorty and Me 8-9-12

When I look back over the past year, I can see when the decline started.  I think the move in April 2010 over to Greenbriar was more difficult for her older mind than I ever dreamed.  She was 13 when we moved and dogs over 7 are considered geriatric.  When their environments change dramatically, it can cause the dementia to escalate.  I see now when the decline started.  Then when we moved this April to the Condo, the dementia came on so quickly, I couldn't deny it.

In my heart, I began to "entertain" the idea that Shorty wasn't going to out live me.  Although, I'd secretly wished she would so I'd never have to go through a day like today.  But somehow, I've got to dig deep and lean in on Jesus right now.  I feel my faith, trust and belief vanished for a few days as the grief was so unbearable at times.  I'm not a good griever.  I don't allow myself much in that area and can mentally demand that I "get over it."  Not this time.  There's no "getting over it."  I'm going to have to walk through the grief, step by step, minute by minute, until finally there's more grace than grief and joy returns. 

Today, I saw the most beautiful acts of friendship and compassion between Gary, Jimmy, my father-in-law, Twilla Woolsey, my sweet friend and Tami Cox, another sweet friend, plus all the staff and Dr. Solomon at Swann's Animal Clinic.  Shorty had never been a patient there, but I knew I had to find a Veterinarian who was compassionate, understanding and would allow me to hold Shorty as she fell asleep in my arms.  It was so important to me to have a peaceful experience, that I wasn't able to make the decision until we found Swann.  I am so grateful to all those present today with Shorty and me as our life here on Earth ended together.

Shorty is now buried in my father and mother-in-law's backyard where I can visit her grave anytime.  I'm extremely grateful for that as well.  My stomach still gnaws at me and my heart still grieves this precious dog/child, but I'm trying to look on the bright side. . .I have a loving husband who understands my love of Shorty, I have wonderful friends and family who understand and I have another dachshund, Sugar, whom God put in my life 2 weeks ago....we ran right into each other as she strode down the sidewalk of a busy street with no tags on, no collar, nothing.  God assured me that He created her just for me, for such a time as this.  She has helped ease the pain of Shorty's passing.

It's minute by minute right now.  I look forward to day by day, year by year and then, as I enter the gates of Heaven, Shorty will meet me, running as fast as she can, tail wagging, tongue licking.  Thank You, Sweet Jesus for hope.

"May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in Him, so that you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit."

Romans 15:13

Just How Big A Boy Are Ya?

The other day, God in all His sweet graciousness, gave me a word picture of satan and what I'm up against when he drives himself into my life, into a relationship or any area God has given me...So go here with me in your imagination if you will. . .

I get an "invitation" to meet satan one night at a parking lot...he's ready to fight and all week long he's been driving by my house, revving up his engine really loud, squealing and burning out on his tires and just really making a menace of himself in my world...

From what I hear of his rumblings outside my house, it's a bit intimidating, to say the least!  I allow fear to well up inside me and I begin to question, "Do I really believe I can trample him down like the bible says I can?  Do I really believe I can overcome him?"  But I have to prove that I believe what I say I believe, so I take his invitation and meet him at the parking lot for the "fight!"

I pull up in my 4-door Camry with it's quiet engine, normal car-sized tires and wait. . .heart is beating faster and faster....palms are sweating..."oh my. . .can I do this?" I wonder.
Then, I hear this LOUD noise coming around the block and think, "What on Earth is that?"  And around the bend comes this HUGE black truck, tires so big, they look like they belong on a tractor!  The engine is so LOUD I put my hands over my ears to block out the obnoxious sound!  The windows are tinted black and I can't even make out the driver, but I know it's him.  He pulls right up to my front bumper, and has the audacity to bump it and start to push my car backwards.  I put my foot on the brake-I'm standing firm.  He finally stops, puts his big monster truck in park and opens his driver's side door. 

I get out of my car and come around to meet him, just  a few feet away from his door....then I see something silver sliding down from the cab...it's a LADDER!  Yes! I kid you not!  He slides a ladder to the pavement, makes sure it's secure and then steps down it, one little foot at a time...I see these pint-sized legs emerge down the steps and wonder, "who is this?"  With both feet firmly on the ground, he turns to me-hands on his hips, scowl on his face and says, "You wanna a piece of me," with a squeaky voice to fit his stature....all 3 feet of him! 

I could not believe my eyes!  I chuckled out loud and said, "This is it?  You're the guy in the big monster truck, driving by my house, trying to intimidate me?  You're it?" I can't help but laugh at the little man standing before me, shaking my head in disbelief!  I walk over to him, jump up, and trample him in one swift move..."I'm so done with you, satan," I casually say as I walk back to my car, get in, and drive away.  I'm still shaking my head today in disbelief that for YEARS I've allowed him to intimidate me, scare me, defeat me, deceive me and even try to destroy me.  I will never look at him the same way and I hope you won't either! :)

I have given you authority to trample on snakes and scorpions and to overcome all the power of the enemy; nothing will harm you.

Luke 10:19 NIV

Run TO God - Not Away from Him

A sweet word from the Lord this morning in my quiet time. . .

I am not the God who cracks the whip, waiting to punish and ridicule you when you make a mistake; waiting to condemn your every wrong word or move. I AM a God of Love.  I AM LOVE - I exude love, emit love, bleed love, pour out love!  I love you!  I love My people so much!  Yet, they run from Me seeking places to hide from Me - when all I've ever wanted was for them to run to Me!

It's similar to when you (Dawn) hold your arms out to Shorty (my precious dog) and she looks at you and walks away.  How do you feel when she does that?  Sad, disappointed, rejected.

All you wanted was for her to come to you and let you hold her and love on her, be near her because you adore her, right? Right.

But she's stubborn and she walks off.  Maybe she fears you'll load her up in the car and haul her off to the Vet's office (she hates that.)  But in reality, that wasn't your plan at all.  You deeply desired to love on her, pet her and show her how much she means to you.

It's no different with My children.  I desperately want them to come to me.  My arms are wide open.  I want to love on them because I adore them.  They make Me smile.  Yet, so many of my children walk away, afraid I have punishment for them instead of love.  In that case, we both miss out on the blessing of My unfailing, unconditional love.

Because I AM Love and that's what I have for you, My children - all I want is for you to love Me, Your God, with all your heart, all your soul and all your mind. This is the first and great commandment. (Matt. 22:37-38)  Why?  To restrict you?  To bind you?  To control you?  No! Not at all!  But to lavish you with what you've been searching for all your life.  You need not search any longer.  I AM here.  I AM the Love you've been chasing after all along.  My arms are open.  My Love is free for you.  Come, receive the endless Love I have for you, My children.

Taste and see that I AM good!  Blessed is the one who takes refuge in Me. (Ps. 34:8)

My Goal is to NOT Sin. . .

I John 2:1-2

"My dear children, I am writing this to you so that you will not sin. But if anyone does sin, we have an advocate who pleads our case before the Father.  He is Jesus Christ, the One who is truly righteous.  He Himself is the sacrifice that atones for our sins-and not only our sins but the sins of all the world."

It sounds presumptuous to say, "...My goal is to NOT sin," doesn't it?  Even writing that seems somewhat pompous, but the truth is....as a Christian, my goal is to NOT sin, but to live like Christ.  Because of the powerful grace of God, I have the nature of Christ (His Spirit) living inside me since I was born again!

BUT. . .

"....if anyone does sin, we have an advocate who pleads our case before the Father.  He is Jesus Christ, the One who is truly righteous."

Notice, the scripture says, ". . .but, if".....not "....but, when"....would it be safe to say that John is speaking to us as if we probably won't sin?  He certainly doesn't assume we are going to sin, or he might have used the word "when"...not "if." 

I sinned last weekend.  I sin most every day, but last weekend was a blatant sin.  Is there any difference from the blatant sins and the secret sins?  No. No difference at all except this, one is in front of people, one is in the dark where no one sees...No one except God the Father.

My old self and nature wanted to allow guilt, shame and condemnation to come flooding in and take up residence, but I had to fight hard to not allow that.  What was my tactic?  Admit my sin, (confession to God and my sweet husband), repent (feel enough remorse that I don't want to do that again), and seek God's forgiveness, (even though I've already been forgiven of all my sins, past, present and future.) 

So, if I'm already forgiven, then why the 3-step process mentioned above from
I John 1:9?  For me, it puts me in a position of humility...which thankfully is the opposite of pride, which by the way, can be a #1 culprit of sin.

My goal is to NOT sin.  I must be on guard at all times for the enemy who is lurking around, seeking whom he may devour.  It's easy to get complacent and comfortable, and that is when the enemy strikes, catches me off-guard and causes me to stumble.  God has given me ample revelation already about the enemy's tactics, I must use that knowledge and the Sword of the Word to combat his every scheme.  Today, I am most grateful that I have an Advocate who pleads my case before my Father in Heaven.  There is no sin so great that could ever change God's love for us....He is full of grace, mercy and peace for all of us.

Stay alert! Watch out for your great enemy, the devil. He prowls around like a roaring lion, looking for someone to devour.

 I Peter 5:8 NLT

Continuing on the Path of Simplicity

A few posts ago, I wrote about my journey to an Abundantly Simple Holy Life.  That was right about when we moved from our 3600 square foot house to our 1600 square foot rental.  Here it is, two months later, and I have thoroughly enjoyed the simpler life style.  I think about all of our other not-so-necessary belongings in that 10 x 30 storage building and shudder at the thought of unpacking it all when/if we find a home to buy again.

I can't begin to tell you how liberating it is to be renting right now!  We don't have to mow the grass, the homeowner's association contracts with someone to do that.  No taxes, no home insurance, no maintenance either!  We are grateful we have a garage to park our vehicles in and a small storage building for odds and ends we might need this summer.

We've begun the search for a new home, but honestly, I'm not feeling the deep desire to move just yet.  I love the central location we're in now and the thought of having to move far north or south just doesn't appeal to me at this current time.  I'm wondering if home ownership is overrated in America?

After reading the book Radical by David Platt, it's easy to wonder that as he concludes that the "American Dream" does not line up with the Gospel of Jesus.  It just doesn't.  I don't know what God has in store for Gary and me down the road as far as a home goes, but I can see, quite clearly, that home ownership is not as big a deal as I once thought it was.

I'm sure at some point the freedom of renting may burn out with us, but right now, it's a good thing.  Our load is light.  Stress level is low.  God is in control....as always.

Be blessed dear friend!

Keep it simple!

Setting the Record Straght

All my life, I have struggled with the concept of grace.  More so in the past than recently. I am a slow "get it" kind of person at times, but when I need to "get it"...I just keep after "it."  Right now, the "it" is GRACE. 

Several years ago, I got a revelation of grace from God and it set me free.  Long story short, God whispered to me, "Dawn, if you never lift another finger, in your lifetime; if you never do another "good deed", in your lifetime. . .it's okay-My grace is sufficient for you.  For the first time ever, I think I really "got" what God had been trying to give me all along with His wonderful gift of grace.  I felt the shackles of performance, pleasing, approval seeking, and doing- fall off of me in that instant.

Fast forward to today...even though I can recall that day as if it were yesterday, the enemy has not given up his efforts to steal, kill and destroy any revelation of grace I received in that moment.  I continue to study God's word, and other teachings on the subject and simultaneously ask God for a new, deeper revelation of grace.  He is always willing to answer a prayer like that, no doubt.

While reading Clark Whitten's book Pure Grace a few statements jumped off the page that I want to share with you....

"Those who receive the abundance of grace are the ones who reign in life.  Good receivers, not good performers, are the ones who reign!"

"Our willingness  and sense of liberty to receive all Jesus died to give is the key here!"

"We are warned not to sin against grace.  Listen, the only way to sin against grace is to refuse to receive the grace it cost Jesus His life to give.  Our only hope of "putting to death the deeds of the body [flesh]" (Rom. 8:13) is receiving the abundance of grace."

Grace is such a simply complex phenomenon to me.  There is nothing I can do to gain more grace...I only need to believe on Jesus and receive His gift of abundant grace.  I DO believe...it's the receiving part that gets in the way.  So, my goal is to become a better, more gracious (pun intended), Receiver.
When Jesus said, "It is finished," He meant EVERYTHING!  There is nothing left for me to do...He did it ALL.  I simply need to believe and receive.  Today, I choose to receive ALL that Jesus died for me to have on this Earth...ALL the grace, righteousness and abundance of life!  Amen to that!

Love is to God Like Water is to an Ocean

The other morning in my quiet time, I asked God to reveal Himself to me in a new way.  I read His Word and He's definitely revealed to me through that, but I wanted and needed a fresh revelation about Him that particular day.  Eager to answer a prayer such as that, He said this to me in my Spirit. . .

"Dawn, imagine the ocean . . .vast . . .never-ending to your eye . . .deep and wide like none other....

Water makes an ocean an ocean....water IS the ocean. . . if you jump into the ocean, you can't help but get covered up by the water...it surrounds you, 

engulfs you.....

Love is to Me, like water is to the ocean....I AM Love . . .My love engulfs you, surrounds you as you jump into Me . . .you can't help but be consumed by my love because I AM love."

For days, I have thought about that word picture and revelation from God over and over.  After spending four days at a Lake, surrounded by a body of water, I kept thinking about what God said. . .Love is to Him like water is to an ocean....

Be consumed and swallowed up by His never-ending love for you.  Jump in!  He's waiting for you.

"Because of His great love for us, God, who is rich in mercy, made us alive with Christ even when we were dead in transgressions-it is by grace you have been saved."

Ephesians 2:4-5 NIV

One More Dose of Humility. . . Oh! Please Pick Me!

What is the best way to make sure a first-time author does NOT have a run-in with pride after completing their book?

Answer:  Print the first edition with a misspelled word on the cover! 

NO! I am not kidding!

The day of my birthday and first book-signing, I had 100 books 2-day air shipped to my house for the evening's events.  Although nervous about the book finally being "out there" for all to read, I was also excited about having friends over for the celebration of its release.  (Really, just a great excuse to throw a birthday party for myself-have I mentioned I LOVE birthdays?)

Okay, so rewind to about 10:30 that morning...on my way to Home Depot, I get a call from my dear friend Twilla, who has not slept all night because her Eagle-Eye husband, Joe, found the error the night before and Twilla was just sick about it, but knew she had to tell me.  It's never a good thing to be the bearer of bad news, but somebody had to do it and I'm glad she did.

Here's how it all went down:

Twilla:  Dawn, I hate to tell you this, but there's a misspelled word on your cover.
Dawn:  What!? You have got to be kidding me?  What word?  (Immediate nausea bubbles up in my stomach to the point I think I might be sick.)
Twilla:  Are you ready for this?  Humility
Dawn:  Oh my gosh, this is horrible!  I need to call Dee, my publisher and see what I need to do.
Twilla:  I am so sorry to be the one to tell you this.
Dawn:  It's okay, I need to know.  (Total despair sinking in right about now.)  We hung up.

Talking out loud to God, I began asking Him what on Earth am I supposed to do, all the while, feeling embarrassed, stupid (I'd only looked at that manuscript 1000 times!), and wanting to burn the whole 100 books that would be coming later.  I was a mixture of mad, disappointed, and ashamed of such a mistake....I was being awfully hard on myself, but ultimately, it was my responsibility to catch that error.

I called Dee, my publisher, and she was shocked initially as I was.  She was sorry that she hadn't caught the word misspelling either, but noted that these things do sometimes happen.  She offered a couple of suggestions and options for the night's Book release.

With my stomach in a huge knot the size of Dallas, I seriously thought I was going to get sick in the Home Depot parking lot.  "Lord, what on Earth do I do with this?  How do I handle this?"  Deep within the recesses of my heart, I knew there was something more to just a misspelled word on the cover of this book.  I knew it, but I was somewhat afraid to say it.

My next phone call was to Paula, my spiritual mentor.  I explain the situation to her and she was shocked as well because she's already received her book from Amazon and didn't notice any misspelled word on the cover. (Neither did anyone else, except for Eagle-Eye Joe.)  Paula told me she immediately heard 'laughter.'....Not at me, but with me...that God was going to use this for His glory. She could see God's sense of humor in all this and what better way or word to be spelled wrong than humility, since that is the message.

God was in control and is in control of the book and how He wants to use it.  It is such a perfect message about what the book is about.  He doesn't make mistakes.  I think it has a purpose.  You should definitely use it in your speaking engagements!  People use words in strange spellings to make a point...point made!  You know it's not your book or your message, but His.

After talking and praying with Paula, I felt much better. The truth was, a small amount of pride had crept into my spirit about completing the book.  I mean, I was not only thankful it was completed because it had taken so long and so much emotional work.  But pride started to creep in and I believe this was one way to make sure I NEVER felt any pride about this book-EVER!  This IS God's book.  There is no way I could have ever finished it without His guidance, and Gary's love.  The book is about humility and I want to stay humble, even if I have to be completely embarrassed to accomplish that feat.

God also whispered this in my heart:  "Dawn, you're not perfect and I can use you to glorify My Name.  This book isn't perfect either, but I can use it just as well."

My hope has always been that someone would read the book and from it feel hope where there had been none before; or someone would understand that God loves them right where they are, just how they are.  I'm banking on that being God's hope for the book as well.

Karen and Me

That evening, I told my friends the story about the day, and the imperfect version of the book that was there for them to buy, OR they could wait for the corrected version and I would completely understand if they wanted to wait.  No one wanted to wait.  They ALL wanted the "imperfect" version.  Not sure it was even possible, but I was humbled even more.

For all of you who ordered your copy from Amazon, you too, have the "Limited Edition" version.  I would be more than happy to trade your copy out for the 2nd Edition with the corrected cover, please contact me at: dawntwells@yahoo.com if you want to trade out.

I thank God for His sense of humor and funny ways of reminding me Who He is, and who I am.  I truly am laughing out loud at the whole ordeal now, which is a long way from how I felt at about 10:35 last Thursday morning.  In the whole scheme of life, one letter, missing from the word "humility" is not that big of a deal....but isn't it interesting that the one letter missing was the letter 'I'?

The Book Is Complete

I can honestly say, I'm good at starting projects, but not that great at finishing them.  I enjoy promoting ideas, but I'm not always the best implementer, especially to the end.  But, I am so thankful to report, that just a few days before my 47th birthday, I can say that I have finished something that I started several years ago.  THE BOOK!

Yes, it is finished and on sale now at www.amazon.com-finally!  When this whole process started over five years ago from a whisper from God, I first thought, "yea, I'll have this done in a few months and printed within a year."  Wow! Was I ever so wrong.  What I didn't know then is how difficult it is to write a book about events that weren't even close to being healed.  I have no doubt that God's plan was to take me through my childhood while I wrote and wrote and wrote and heal the deeply stuffed wounds I'd carried around for so many years.

I say this often, I am NOT the same person I was before February 23, 2003.  That was the day I surrendered EVERYTHING to Jesus.  But you know what?  I am not even the same person I was when I began to write the book, sometime in 2006.  God has transformed me even more than I thought possible and healed hurts and wounds I didn't even know existed!

It's said that everyone has a book inside them.  I completely agree!  One never knows what's lurking underneath years and years of stuffing, denying or ignorance, but if there is something there that needs to be healed, just start writing. . . you will be amazed at how God can heal the wounds that are tilled up by writing.

"A professional writer is an amateur who didn't quit." - Richard Bach

I have that quote taped to my desk and look at it often.  For many years, I didn't really believe it. 

I do now.  

Below is a link to my book on Amazon.  I would be most grateful if you checked it out.  

Be blessed, friend. :)

http://www.amazon.com/Wrong-Place-at-Right-Time/dp/1934606391/ref=sr_1_2?ie=UTF8&qid=1334850537&sr=8-2

Unexplainable Peace

The last box has been unpacked; a sigh of relief exhaled.  There is something about moving that seems to upset, turn over, dump me out like a 1000 piece puzzle in an overturned box.  Yet, I find myself only days after moving in, having a state of unexplainable peace swirling around me.  This move was much harder on Gary than me so I've prayed constantly for him...that he would let go of our old house and embrace our new "cottage."  Also, that he would feel peaceful and at home here, too.  Over the last few days, his comments have been such as, "I'm really growing fond of this place. . .This place is growing on me. . .I like this place. . ."   You get my point.  Only God could bring Gary to that landmark of peace, I certainly couldn't, no matter what I tried, and believe me, I tried.  I'm reminded, (once again), I am not his Holy Spirit and I cannot convict him to be at peace with something.  However, I can pray that God will send His Spirit and bring peace to Gary and did He ever!

This morning, we enjoyed quiet moments together reading the Word, praying and then silence. . .ten solid minutes of intentional silence.  It was beautiful.  When the timer went off on my phone, I couldn't believe ten minutes had passed...I wasn't through being quiet, for goodness sake! :)

It seems, Gary and I both feel this flooding peace. . . a "slowing down" of sorts already.  I can't explain why but I certainly know "Who."  God is a God of love and peace.  As we intentionally seek a simpler, down-sized life, peace has an open door and its presence is ushered in.  It truly is priceless.  May He keep you in perfect peace friend.

"You will keep in perfect peace him whose mind is steadfast, because he trusts in You."

Isaiah 26:3

All Moved In . . .

We made it!  We survived the downsize and the move and I am delighted!  I can say that now.  Now that I have unpacked the boxes we brought to our "summer cottage", but I have to say....while I watched 4 guys fill up a 10 x 30 storage building with all the things we didn't "need"...I began to feel disgusted and nauseated.  It was unbelievable to watch that space fill up with things from the attic, bedrooms, kitchen...every room of the house...with items we DIDN'T need!  Obviously, there are items in there I'd never wish to get rid of, especially the box of old letters I found to my mom...but seriously?  A 10 x 30 storage unit?  That's the type of "excess" that I feel has been weighing me down.  The reason I say that, is because, after being at our new pad (1600 square feet of quaintness)...I don't have a "heavy" feeling anymore.  In fact, I feel much "lighter" than I have in quite some time!

There are so many aspects about our 2 bedroom/2 bath rental that I absolutely adore, such as: How I can look out the patio doors to the very sweet back yard where there is one flower bed, (very low maintenance) where my bird feeder attracts the sweetest birds that I can watch.  How my desk and Gary's desk fit in the same room (albeit, the living room) and we can be together while working on our computers.  The huge window in our bathroom that over looks the backyard as well with a great view of the bird feeders.  The location of the condo is fabulous as well.  Gary and I have lived far north or far south, but now we are centrally located and it is wonderful.  We actually walked to a Mexican food restaurant the other night, (good thing we walked, because we seriously indulged in some great food at El Braceros.) :)

The compact, quaint, intimacy of this place is something I've longed for and now it is here.  Shorty and Lovey have a small yard just off the kitchen patio which is also great.  I leave the door cracked open for them to come and go while I'm in the kitchen.  Yesterday, Lovey was laid out on the cool grass for a little siesta...didn't take her long to adjust.  Shorty, well, she's a different story.  Even though I leave the patio door open for her to come in, she keeps bumping her head on the glass door.  Maybe a slight problem with depth perception...?  She is almost 15!

No one could pay me to move back into a 3600 square foot house...for me, it was quite overrated.  One of my favorite houses I ever lived in was on Fannin Street...I called it "Fannin Country Club."  I loved that little house; all 1210 square feet of it. 

The song lyrics, "we need to get back to the basics of life. . ." keep running through my mind, along with, "...I'm walking on sunshine, yeaaaa! and its time to feel good!!!!"  If that doesn't say where my state of being is now, I don't know what else could....

All is well on this journey to simplify....my goal is still to have a:

Simply Abundant Holy Life

I am very blessed indeed. :)

A Benefit to Downsizing

Packing up a 3600 square foot house is not my idea of fun.  In fact, moving/packing is the #1 item on my Top Ten List of things I most dislike, (okay, operative word is really "hate")....However, the Lord gave me such a gift the other day, I must share it.  A bit of history first:  a few years ago, I ran across some very old letters I'd written my mom just after she left me, when I was about seven years old.  When I opened up that box and began reading those letters, it was as if salt had been poured on an open wound I didn't even know was there!  The pain gushed up and I could not suppress it any longer.  It was so intense, it felt like I was having surgery with no anesthesia!  I went through some serious prayer time with my mentor, Paula, and we uncovered the root of that pain, dealt with it, and the wound healed.

Now, fast forward to just a couple of days ago. . .I'm packing, going through boxes that have been stored in a closet and find those same letters.  I pull one out.  Three pages of my hand-written letter on bright orange paper.  Classic.  I began reading this simple, ADD-sounding letter that I'd written Mom when I was around 8 years old.  I don't stay on the same subject for more than two sentences, but throughout this letter, I keep saying, "Boy, my arm is getting tired." . . "Boy, Mom, my arm is really tired!.". . ."Did I tell you how tired my arm is?" . . . and then on the last page, I say, "I'm telling you for the third time, my arm is so tired, I don't know what I'm going to do!"

Okay, maybe not as funny to you, but as I read that letter, I busted out laughing so hard, tears were running down my cheeks and I could not stop laughing!  In fact, I don't even remember reading this letter several years ago when I first came across this box.  Whether I read it back then or not, the release of endorphins I got from reading it the other day was just what the Doctor ordered.  Gary and I had a tough night the night before and we both were feeling a little down, so that letter brought much "goodness" to my heart the next day.  That's just ONE benefit to downsizing...you never know what treasure you might come across that's been hiding in a box stuffed in a closet.

One more treasure is this:  when downsizing, I've found it's important to go through everything to determine if I want to move it or not.  The last three moves I've made have been up sizing.  In that case, I would think, "Oh, I can take that...I'll have more room anyway."  So I didn't carefully dispose of things I really didn't need.  But while downsizing, I'm getting rid of things I've carried around for 10 years that I absolutely do not need: papers, bills from old credit cards I don't even have anymore, etc.  Now, that feels great to shred all that unnecessary stuff I no longer need to tote around.

The whole cleaning-out phase has been quite liberating and exhilarating too!  I love giving stuff away.  My dining room table is full of my "trash" that someone will make their "treasure."  That makes me happy.

One thing I know for sure:  I will never have this much STUFF again!  That's a good thing! Amen!

The Journey to Simplify

For months now, Gary and I have been talking about "down-sizing" our lives - simplifying, if you will.  We've both felt the stress of the crazy-busy world that everyone is living in, but really have wanted to do something about it.  That was months ago.  God heard our prayers and sent a row-boat with a couple from California on it who want to buy our home. (Yes, our new home, the big house we moved into just 2 years ago.)  Now, it might seem odd that we would want to sell a house we just bought two years ago, but not if the other house we had took 15 months to sell!  Having gone through an experience like that, it didn't take too long to decide to sell.

The mixed reactions we've gotten have been interesting.  Some people completely understand the idea and desire to downsize, get completely out of debt and others seem shocked that we would sell this house.

Gary and I both agreed, it's all God's.  Everything we have is God's, not ours.  It's not ours to hoard or idolize.  I began to wonder if I had idolized this big ole' house.  I would be lying if I said I wasn't proud to live in such a beautiful home, but honestly, my heart has changed over the past couple of months.  I don't want to think that a house is what brings me any sort of happiness.  Surely there is a problem with my flesh if there is any truth to that.  I will admit, as I've packed up our belongings this week, it's not been too difficult.  The amount of stuff that we've accumulated over the years is ridiculous!  The amount of stuff I've given away is ridiculous as well!

I've grown accustomed to buying things because I want them, not because I need them.  I have too many pairs of shoes and only two feet....too many blouses and only one body, too many dishes and only one mouth to feed....you get the point?  Excess has become the norm for me and God is gently removing excess from my life.

I drove out north of town today and saw the concrete slabs of homes that were burned completely down in fires last year.  Nothing left but the concrete.  Immediately, I thought of how blessed I am, so very blessed.  We have many options of where to live, but currently don't want to buy anything.  It feels too rushed, so, we're going to rent for a few months to determine our next move, (no pun intended.)

As God slowly and gently strips away my excess, my load feels lighter.  I truly am embracing the beginning of our journey to simplify.  I want my load to be lighter, less burdened with "stuff."  I know downsizing from 3600 square feet to 1600 square feet will not be easy, but I am up for the challenge.  I can look at it two ways:  I only have a small 1600 square foot place to live OR I am blessed to have any place to live, with running water, hot and cold, more than enough clothes to last me a lifetime, shoes for days, a large clean comfortable bed to sleep in every night....the list could go on and on....

I will post the details of our journey and keep you informed.  I suspect there will be good days and some difficult ones, but one thing I know is this:  my load will be much lighter.  For that, I am grateful indeed!

Be blessed. . .

Greetings from Amarillo!

Gary and I returned last night from sunny, (not-windy), Scottsdale, AZ where I attended an Author school workshop.  I must say, when the wind blows at 40 mph here, I really miss Scottsdale in a BIG way!  The Author School was a fantastic way for several of us authors to learn new and innovative ways to market our books.  Dee and Liz gave us mounds of information that my mind has not yet untangled, but it will soon as I begin to look back through my notes.

I met some incredible people, 3 Canadians, Charles, Shannon and Gwen; a precious couple from Nevada, Phil and Lois and Mary from right here in Amarillo! (Who shares the same birthday as me, what are the odds?)  In the picture to the right:  Here we all are outside our beautiful hotel.  God has such a great way of putting people in our lives that I know I will see again someday.  I love that!  Charles Whyte wrote Blue Jean Millionaire, which you can get on Amazon.com.  A great "come-back" story you won't want to miss!

Ironically, while away at Author School, I learned via email, that I was not one of the 30 finalists for the Women of Faith Book writing contest. Bummer.  But, the good news is, I can move forward with my original plan and begin the publishing process with Dee and Liz at TAG Publishing right here in Amarillo.  I have to say, I am quite spoiled having my publisher right here, just 10 minutes away.  I feel I have a great advantage to being able to run over to their office if needed.  I realize everything could be done via phone and email, but there is something so valuable to having the "human element" while writing/publishing a book.  Dee and Liz, thank you for your hard work this past weekend to bring us a great Author School!  Kudos to you both!

Okay, so now it's back to "real life"....ironing Gary's shirts that have been piling up for over two weeks!  Here's how I turn that into a positive, I park my ironing board right in front of the TV and watch all the taped shows that have accumulated over time...minus the commercials!  Here we go HGTV and TLC!

Hope you have a great President's Day Monday and fabulous week as well!

Horse Therapy

Greetings on this Friday Evening,

Was it not an absolutely beautiful day, beginning about 2:00 this afternoon?  After having a Birthday lunch with my friend, Twilla, who turned 29(?) today, :)...I had the privilege of some horse therapy at Horse Play at Mesquite Ranch www.horseplayatmesquiteranch.com with Becky and Frank Foster.

For over a few years, my love for horses continues to grow to an insatiable degree, but the Lord lead me directly to Becky and Frank Foster as a volunteer and I have enjoyed every moment I've been able to spend learning from Becky and in the presence of those horses.  They are Tennessee Walking horses.  That didn't mean much to me when I first learned it, but I now know, they have a special gait and are simply the most gentle horses I've ever been around.  Becky and Frank are Equine Therapists and conduct sessions with children and adults by the use of the horses as metaphors to life's little (or big) obstacles.  As a client might try to get the horse to go over a barrel, without touching the horse, they find it's not as easy as it seems.  Just like life's obstacles aren't as easy as well.  After the exercise, the clients and Becky and Frank join together and "process" the feelings associated with the inability to get the horse to cooperate and complete the task, if in fact, the horse didn't.  However, many times, the clients are able to persuade the horse to go over the barrel, (or whatever the task might be) and then process the feelings/emotions/attitudes of the success of that.

Horses are unbelievably intuitive.  There is no fooling them.  If they sense you are frustrated, they dig their heels in the ground because they know they have the upper hand, now.  If you aren't assertive with them, they won't budge.  Then we get mad at the horse because we couldn't get them to complete the task like we wanted.  Isn't that just how we are in life?  I can so relate to that.  So many times, I haven't asserted myself towards someone, they overstep my lack of boundary and then I get frustrated with THEM!  Sounds silly as I write it now, but I've seen myself do that over and over.  The good news is, I'm quite aware of it now and it doesn't tend to happen nearly as often.


I encourage you to go onto their website listed above and check out their mission and vision.  They are changing lives in many of our at-risk youth and teaching them positive coping skills and lessons on life that they might not have ever learned otherwise.  This is one of the most incredible ministries I've been involved in and of course, it does meet a selfish need of mine to be around horses.  Becky also gives horse riding lessons, individually and for groups.  Let me just say, she has taught me an amazing amount of horse training on the ground and riding. She is more patient than Job! Today, I got to ride Bria (I call her my horse) for the first time.  She's only been ridden twice before by Becky and today, I had the incredible opportunity to climb up on her and sit tall on the saddle as we gently rode in the round pen today.  She did wonderfully!  Then, after I dismounted and walked away, she followed me.  Becky says that's the sign that she now sees me as her "leader."  When I turned around and she stood there three inches from my face, I couldn't help but feel an immediate bond with her.  She's truly an incredible horse, so gentle and laid back.  I long for our next "session."  Even if I just groom Bria, I feel I've had some awesome therapy.  It's indescribable.  If you're interested, email me or the Fosters.  They are the most likable people you'll ever meet and so eager to help others. 

There is something so majestic about horses and I can't seem to find the right words to explain it.  God created an amazing animal in the horse and I long to understand them more deeply.  Thanks to Becky and Frank, I've been given that opportunity. :)

 “Do you give the horse its strength  or clothe its neck with a flowing mane?  Do you make it leap like a locust, striking terror with its proud snorting?  Job 39: 19-20 NIV

Don't Buy the Lie!

Greetings!
While I'm studying the Book of James TWICE this semester, God has been loud and clear on some things He's wanted me to take care of.  James is a convicting book if you just read straight through it, but when you actually dig down deep into the depths of the meaning behind the book, well. . . it's downright uncomfortable!!  Beth Moore mentioned last night in her video, and I'm paraphrasing: "How long has it been since the Word of God caused you to change something about yourself?"  Wow.  Just that one question brings conviction to me.  My answer was:  "This morning!" :)

In a ladies Bible Study I'm in on Tuesday mornings we are studying James, chapters 4 & 5 with Chip Ingram.  Just those two chapters have enough instruction on "right" living, that if we never studied anything else, we could certainly live more righteously by applying the wisdom from those chapters.  So, while I was listening Tuesday morning to Chip's video, he asked: "Is there anyone you need to seek forgiveness from?"  I knew immediately there was.  That person had been on my mind several times over the past two years and I KNEW God wanted me to seek forgiveness.  But I delayed.  Fear of rejection.  Just fear.  But then last night, the conviction came again and there was no denying, God was not going to allow my disobedience to be comfortable one more day.  "Okay, Okay, God!  I will call tomorrow."

I did call, today, and I met with this precious person face to face.  Thank goodness, she had not been offended by me, but I still needed to apologize for not coming to her sooner and allowing the enemy to cause divisiveness, even if only perceived, in the Body of Christ.  That's what James talks about.  How we Believers are divided amongst ourselves and how the enemy wins when that happens!  The lies he tells us are so believable, we buy them.  Or I did, anyway.  I am now determined to take the facts to God, weigh them carefully and if there is still an issue, go to that person quickly to resolve whatever the problem is--even if its just a perceived problem.  I will NOT let the enemy talk me out of it!

I was wearing a distorted set of lenses and could not see the truth.  His cunning deception worked on me and I am humbled to have to admit that.  However, as with all his schemes, once brought to the Light, he loses his power immediately.  Ahh, sweet revenge on him:  when he plans something to harm us, and God turns it around for good! 

I pray you are not wrestling with anything from the enemy, but if you are, rest assured, he wants you to be paralyzed in fear.  Don't buy the lie.  He can't tell the truth, but God's truth can and will set you free!

The Lord is the Spirit, and where the Spirit of the Lord is, there is freedom.

2 Corinthians 3:17

Birth Announcement/Preannouncement

Wow!  I can hardly believe I am typing this post, but I just have to declare:  It Is Finished!
"What's finished?" you might wonder....THE BOOK!!!  Well, I say it's finished, at least my part of writing is finished.  I can not tell you what it feels like to have that 5-6 year old baby birthed!  I've said this before, and I'll repeat myself, I've never been pregnant and can only imagine what it feels like those last few months, but I believe I felt pretty close to that in my efforts to complete this manuscript.

   
Wrong Place at the Right Time
      How a Dose of Humility Lead to Victory

Interestingly, I was perusing the internet and stumbled onto a book writing contest with Women of Faith and Westbow Press. . .Hmm? I thought.  I read through the rules, etc and there, at the very bottom read the deadline for the contest:  January 31, 2012 11:59 EST.  What?  I couldn't believe it!  I had three days left to complete-complete my manuscript if I wanted to enter.  So for three solid days, I read, re-read and tweaked until I was able to finally give birth to one of the most challenging, yet rewarding endeavors I've ever tackled.  I was thrilled to have the opportunity to enter, even though I know its a long shot!  The grand prize winner receives a complete publishing package from Westbow Press with the option of Thomas Nelson Publisher to pick the book it up!  If I'm not the grand prize winner, that's okay too, since I have a great publisher right here in town who wants to publish it as well.  I feel it's a win-win situation, so why not give it try, right? :)

Now, let me update you on some real "birth" news. . . Gary and I are going to be grandparents!!! Yes! That's right, Bree and Daniel are expecting their first child in August!  We are so excited!  We're calling ourselves: SuSu and Poppy.  I guess we'll be called whatever comes out of the precious one's mouth, but for now, we're going with S & P!  I cannot wait to have a grandchild; everyone says its better than parenting.  Since I missed the parenting segment, I'm going straight to the best part!  I'll keep you posted when we learn if its a boy or girl. (Girl probably, surely, I hope!)  I know I will love whatever we have, but I sure do have big dreams of dressing up a little girl in some cute leopard outfits!  I don't think a little boy is going to like those outfits one bit!

God is so good and so faithful.  It's amazing how much He loves us, and we can only imagine a tiny bit of that love.  I hope you're feeling it today! :)

New Revelations!

Greetings!
It's a new year and God is ready to give new revelations.  I have had a few lately myself that I want to share with you.  First of all, "Fasting"....we've all heard of fasting, right?  Well, I certainly have, but I never gave it much serious thought until this week.  My sister, Terri, decided to go on a 21 day fast as she listened to Pastor Jimmy preach at Trinity Fellowship on her ipod.  When I talked to her about four days into her fast, I had no idea what she was doing, but I heard a different person on the phone talking back to me.  For the first time in a long time, I heard hope, and energy and determination like I'd never heard from her before!  But more than that, I heard what I'd prayed for many years:  that she know how much God loved her and deeply desired to have her whole heart for Himself!  The conversation was so moving, that I read the book on Fasting by Jentezen Franklin that night and the next morning.

Since February 23, 2003, when I completely surrendered my life to Jesus, I have never understood with such revelation the importance of fasting to my spiritual life.  Let me make myself clear about one thing:  I'm not talking about having to "do" something in order to be in better standing with God.  I'm talking about sacrificing something (food) in order to draw near to God in a more intimate way than ever before.  When I first surrendered my life, I could not get enough of the Word, growing spiritually and spending time with Jesus in prayer...He truly became the love of my life.  But as time went on and I married, it seemed the things of this world had pushed Him out of First position in my life, yet I yearned to have that intimacy I had with Him in 2003.  For me, fasting has been the piece of the puzzle for that very thing.  

Most of my Walk, I have fought off the devil regarding sin and I seemed to be in a constant state of "seeking forgiveness."  Last night, at Life Group, another light bulb went off, which may seem so elementary to most, but I had no idea how cunningly the devil had deceived me about this issue:  When Jesus died on the cross, He died for all my sins, past, present AND future!  Now, I knew that in my head, but for some reason last night it registered clearly in my heart:  It is finished!  Forgiveness has already been given to me IN FULL!  I don't have to keep asking God for forgiveness over and over, or even when I sin again, (which I will, unfortunately.)  Forgiveness was completed for every person on the cross.  As Andrew Womack says, It isn't because of murder, stealing, lying, adultery, etc. that will cause people to perish in hell...no, those sins have already been forgiven....It is because people choose not to believe in Jesus Christ that will send them to hell.

I've never doubted that my salvation was in jeopardy because of my sins, but the enemy sure had a way of continuing to subtly condemn me whenever I made a mistake, even if I did ask for forgiveness.  The devil is a master deceiver and that is his specialty.  He just got called out on the carpet last night though!

I realize some of this stuff is so Christianity 101, but it seems God has a way of giving us revelation about a certain issue that we may still be in bondage too.  He wants nothing more than for us to be FREE!  Free of everything! Condemnation, guilt, shame, sadness, fear, everything! I don't know if I will ever grasp, this side of Heaven, how much God loves me, but I'm a little bit closer today.  He only asks that we believe in Jesus as the Savior.  That's not too much to ask, now is it?  Considering all the benefits that come from believing?

"This is love:  not that we loved God, but that He loved us and sent His Son 

as an atoning sacrifice for our sins."  

I John 4:10