My precious friend Joe Dawson lost his battle to cancer Christmas Eve. My heart hurts and misses this precious child of God very much. Joe loved others so deeply, so completely and so much more than he loved himself. I regret terribly not getting by to see him this past week before his health turned so badly-so quickly. I have some precious moments to hang onto and I am so grateful for those moments. I'm thankful for praying with him while he was in the hospital. We held hands and I can remember his hand shaking, he was holding onto mine so tightly. When I finished the prayer and looked up at Joe, he had tears running down his cheek. I was thankful to have had the boldness and courage to pray with him. He told me he believed in Jesus and that he prayed sometimes, but he wasn't sure if He heard him. I know God heard every thought Joe ever had. Every prayer he ever prayed. Joe was such a precious person. Loved everyone. Helped everyone. Everyone, except himself. He came last. He was selfless.
It's so hard to believe that the preciousness of his being is no longer among us. No longer in our presence. The world was a better place with Joe living amongst us. He made me laugh, he made me cry and now, in his absence, he makes my heart ache.
I miss him. I miss his sweetness. As much as I hurt, I can't even imagine how his dear, close friends are coping. He had such a powerful presence to those close to him.
Kitty...I will see you soon. You make me want to be a better person...a better friend. Thank you for loving so passionately-so completely-so unconditionally. Thank you for being you. You are precious. Rest now, dear friend.
Saturday, December 26, 2009
Thursday, December 24, 2009
2009~A Year in Review
Well, it's Christmas Eve morning as I type this (probably) last post for the year of 2009. I like to reminise about what I've learned in this past year.
In January-February of this year, I was finishing up group counseling on Co-Dependant issues. You know, the insatiable need to fix, control and rescue every person or animal within 100 mile radius? yea, that's co-dependancy. I made great progress in that group setting and was able to apply what I learned to every day life and relationships. Much freedom came from that and I am most grateful to learn that I don't have to fix, control or rescue every single person from every single mishap. I just need to be responsible for myself. Now, on the other hand-I am a "helper." I love to help people, especially if they are "stuck" on some issue in life. There is a fine line between "helping" and "fixing" or "rescuing", but I feel I have learned where that line is.
For the entire year of 2009, I have not been "gainfully" employed. I won't say, "I haven't been working", because that would be a big-fat lie! Not having a "work-place" to report to everyday hasn't been as easy as you would think. Please hear me when I say, I am NOT complaining. I feel more blessed than ever to have the opportunity to be a housewife and not need my income, especially when the country is facing such an economic disaster and people are losing their jobs left and right. God has blessed Gary and me so much, words cannot describe.
What I found in not having an outside job is that, the "doing" part of my personality is almost incapable of relaxing and enjoying stillness. I have wrestled with the Lord on this issue for a long time. One thing I learned in 2009 is that God doesn't ask me to do for Him to gain right standing. I already am in right standing, just because I belong to Him! That's the gift He wants all of us to accept. I finally "get" that in a big way. Yet, I still have the personality that cannot sit still for very long. Couple that with the desire to "do" something creative...well, that's just a prescription for lots of busyness!
In June of this year, Gary and I went on our first ever mission trip to Nicaragua! My life has been changed forever since that trip. I've never seen poverty like that and I've never seen joy and contentment where there was so little. I really feel we are missing the mark over here in America. We've had so MUCH all of our lives, we've seen so MUCH, that we tend to want more and more, without even knowing how much we already have. (I'm speaking for myself!)
Since returning from Nicaragua, I have not stopped thinking about the children, the people and the current circumstances they live in. Yet, I'm always reminded of the huge smile on the boy's face at the dump ground and God gently speaking to my heart, "He smiles because he has every thing he needs. He doesn't know to want more." I think that would be a great way to live---not knowing to want more and being completely satisfied with what lies in front of me. Needless to say, I learned so much from those people, and most assuredly, will try to go back in 2010.
Gary and I continue to grow with each other and into the comfortableness of our marriage. There are still so many days that I ask myself, "is he really MY husband?" I still think it's too good to be true and feel so undeserving to be his wife. Not in a bad way, but in a "disbelief" way. If that makes any sense. He supports anything I put my mind to and when it doesn't work out, he never says a negative word about it. That's amazing to me. He truly loves me unconditionally and that amazes me as well.
We will celebrate our fourth anniversary in 2010.
I continue to explore photography and love creating something from God's beauty. Whether that be His people or His creation. I have truly enjoyed capturing beautiful landscape images and allowing God's Spirit to guide me to find the perfect scripture to go with that landscape. I've enjoyed reading the Bible in search of new verses to add to images I've taken. For people to love my work is such a huge confirmation for me. For as long as I can remember, I never thought I was capable of "creating" something of value. God has done a huge work in me this year in showing me how valuable I am to HIM and therefore, quite capable of creating something of great value. He gives each of us gifts and talents to fulfill His will and purpose for His Kingdom. I have finally discovered some of those gifts and talents and have put them to use for His purpose. It has truly been like a ministry for me and I am so grateful to have discovered this in 2009. I look forward to what He has in store in this area for 2010!
As I said, it's Christmas Eve morning~the day before our Lord and Savior was born! Had God not sent His Son to save me, I don't know where I'd be today. I suspect~dead...if not physically, then for sure, spiritually. Every year, I look back on the way I used to be and the way I used to live and I am so grateful that God saved me from myself. I was a mess. I'm still a little mess, but not like I was. Today, I live for Him and I live for eternity. My flesh still rears it's ugly head at times, but I know how to remedy that...get on my knees and cry out for God. We all need a Savior. There's no way around it. HE IS THE WAY!
Merry Christmas, Happy New Year and Happy Birthday, Jesus! :)
In January-February of this year, I was finishing up group counseling on Co-Dependant issues. You know, the insatiable need to fix, control and rescue every person or animal within 100 mile radius? yea, that's co-dependancy. I made great progress in that group setting and was able to apply what I learned to every day life and relationships. Much freedom came from that and I am most grateful to learn that I don't have to fix, control or rescue every single person from every single mishap. I just need to be responsible for myself. Now, on the other hand-I am a "helper." I love to help people, especially if they are "stuck" on some issue in life. There is a fine line between "helping" and "fixing" or "rescuing", but I feel I have learned where that line is.
For the entire year of 2009, I have not been "gainfully" employed. I won't say, "I haven't been working", because that would be a big-fat lie! Not having a "work-place" to report to everyday hasn't been as easy as you would think. Please hear me when I say, I am NOT complaining. I feel more blessed than ever to have the opportunity to be a housewife and not need my income, especially when the country is facing such an economic disaster and people are losing their jobs left and right. God has blessed Gary and me so much, words cannot describe.
What I found in not having an outside job is that, the "doing" part of my personality is almost incapable of relaxing and enjoying stillness. I have wrestled with the Lord on this issue for a long time. One thing I learned in 2009 is that God doesn't ask me to do for Him to gain right standing. I already am in right standing, just because I belong to Him! That's the gift He wants all of us to accept. I finally "get" that in a big way. Yet, I still have the personality that cannot sit still for very long. Couple that with the desire to "do" something creative...well, that's just a prescription for lots of busyness!
In June of this year, Gary and I went on our first ever mission trip to Nicaragua! My life has been changed forever since that trip. I've never seen poverty like that and I've never seen joy and contentment where there was so little. I really feel we are missing the mark over here in America. We've had so MUCH all of our lives, we've seen so MUCH, that we tend to want more and more, without even knowing how much we already have. (I'm speaking for myself!)
Since returning from Nicaragua, I have not stopped thinking about the children, the people and the current circumstances they live in. Yet, I'm always reminded of the huge smile on the boy's face at the dump ground and God gently speaking to my heart, "He smiles because he has every thing he needs. He doesn't know to want more." I think that would be a great way to live---not knowing to want more and being completely satisfied with what lies in front of me. Needless to say, I learned so much from those people, and most assuredly, will try to go back in 2010.
Gary and I continue to grow with each other and into the comfortableness of our marriage. There are still so many days that I ask myself, "is he really MY husband?" I still think it's too good to be true and feel so undeserving to be his wife. Not in a bad way, but in a "disbelief" way. If that makes any sense. He supports anything I put my mind to and when it doesn't work out, he never says a negative word about it. That's amazing to me. He truly loves me unconditionally and that amazes me as well.
We will celebrate our fourth anniversary in 2010.
I continue to explore photography and love creating something from God's beauty. Whether that be His people or His creation. I have truly enjoyed capturing beautiful landscape images and allowing God's Spirit to guide me to find the perfect scripture to go with that landscape. I've enjoyed reading the Bible in search of new verses to add to images I've taken. For people to love my work is such a huge confirmation for me. For as long as I can remember, I never thought I was capable of "creating" something of value. God has done a huge work in me this year in showing me how valuable I am to HIM and therefore, quite capable of creating something of great value. He gives each of us gifts and talents to fulfill His will and purpose for His Kingdom. I have finally discovered some of those gifts and talents and have put them to use for His purpose. It has truly been like a ministry for me and I am so grateful to have discovered this in 2009. I look forward to what He has in store in this area for 2010!
As I said, it's Christmas Eve morning~the day before our Lord and Savior was born! Had God not sent His Son to save me, I don't know where I'd be today. I suspect~dead...if not physically, then for sure, spiritually. Every year, I look back on the way I used to be and the way I used to live and I am so grateful that God saved me from myself. I was a mess. I'm still a little mess, but not like I was. Today, I live for Him and I live for eternity. My flesh still rears it's ugly head at times, but I know how to remedy that...get on my knees and cry out for God. We all need a Savior. There's no way around it. HE IS THE WAY!
Merry Christmas, Happy New Year and Happy Birthday, Jesus! :)
Tuesday, December 8, 2009
Staying Focused
Hi again, it's been a while since I last wrote and I'm feeling neglectful! I don't know about you, but I have this huge tendency to get distracted so easily, with just about anything and everything! It's something I battle with almost daily. I refuse to label myself "ADD" or even "ADHD", whichever one best describes: unable to stay focused! I don't much like "labels"...they seem to hold people in a box with no way out, except maybe medication...and even then, the label still remains, as if it's some badge of honor. Now, this is totally just my opinion.
Okay, back to the topic: STAYING FOCUSED! See, I was about to go off on the "label" path and that's not why I sat down to write this post. lol! (I really crack myself up sometimes!) Anyway, I've been working at home, as a housewife for the past year and I'm amazed at how little "time" I have to just enjoy life! I'm not complaining, but I'm just saying, that even when I haven't had to report to an employer, per se, I still find myself juggling time as if it were a fragile glass ball. It's hard for me to be diligent ALL the time. Especially when I get distracted so easily. Do you find that you do that as well?
My "job" is at home, cleaning, organizing, cooking, laundry, etc. So my "office" is at home. However, if there is something for me to attend, say for instance, a luncheon yesterday...I get dressed, head out and think that since I'm "out", I must accomplish everything under the sun , ie. errands, shopping, etc. Then, I start questioning if I have a "shopping" problem?!!! I can't seem to get myself BACK home, to my "office"...I'm too distracted!
Well, the Lord spoke clearly to me this morning in a book I've been reading: Success God's Way, by Charles Stanley....I just so happened to be to the chapter on Time! Hmm? Isn't God's timing just impeccable? What I read really helps me: I can't do today, what I was supposed to do yesterday. I can't regain the minutes that passed away. They are gone. I only have so many days to live on this Earth, no more-no less. I have a purpose and call on my life to complete the mission God has assigned to me in the number of days allotted for my life. (Sometimes, I vacillate with what that purpose is...but that depends on the time of the month :)...What I read was not Earth-shattering information, but it was a reminder to me that time is such a precious commodity and to take it seriously in my efforts to fulfill God's call on my life. Not worrying about man's opinion of what I should be doing, but always seeking God's will, His perfect will, for each minute of my life. Which, by the way, brings me to this very minute in time: I must close so I can run to the grocery store! Sweet blessings, dear friends.
Okay, back to the topic: STAYING FOCUSED! See, I was about to go off on the "label" path and that's not why I sat down to write this post. lol! (I really crack myself up sometimes!) Anyway, I've been working at home, as a housewife for the past year and I'm amazed at how little "time" I have to just enjoy life! I'm not complaining, but I'm just saying, that even when I haven't had to report to an employer, per se, I still find myself juggling time as if it were a fragile glass ball. It's hard for me to be diligent ALL the time. Especially when I get distracted so easily. Do you find that you do that as well?
My "job" is at home, cleaning, organizing, cooking, laundry, etc. So my "office" is at home. However, if there is something for me to attend, say for instance, a luncheon yesterday...I get dressed, head out and think that since I'm "out", I must accomplish everything under the sun , ie. errands, shopping, etc. Then, I start questioning if I have a "shopping" problem?!!! I can't seem to get myself BACK home, to my "office"...I'm too distracted!
Well, the Lord spoke clearly to me this morning in a book I've been reading: Success God's Way, by Charles Stanley....I just so happened to be to the chapter on Time! Hmm? Isn't God's timing just impeccable? What I read really helps me: I can't do today, what I was supposed to do yesterday. I can't regain the minutes that passed away. They are gone. I only have so many days to live on this Earth, no more-no less. I have a purpose and call on my life to complete the mission God has assigned to me in the number of days allotted for my life. (Sometimes, I vacillate with what that purpose is...but that depends on the time of the month :)...What I read was not Earth-shattering information, but it was a reminder to me that time is such a precious commodity and to take it seriously in my efforts to fulfill God's call on my life. Not worrying about man's opinion of what I should be doing, but always seeking God's will, His perfect will, for each minute of my life. Which, by the way, brings me to this very minute in time: I must close so I can run to the grocery store! Sweet blessings, dear friends.
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