So, back to our first Christmas together. It was quite different than what I'd been used to for many years. Prior to meeting Norm and Karen the year before, holidays were "up in the air" for me. The previous three years, after my divorce, I never really knew where I'd spend the holidays and although I longed to "belong" to family to celebrate them together, that's easier said than done. I'd become a bit of a "loner" throughout my adulthood.
Now, Gary, on the other hand, had an abundance of family! We celebrated with his Mom and her husband, Bill and Gary's grandparents, Papa Joe and Flo. Then there was his dad, Jimmy and step mom, Jerre and Jerre's kids. Norm and Karen and Jan and Frank Frisbee. All of a sudden, I had more family than I'd ever had in my life! Almost overnight!
For 20 years, while Gary and Jatawn were married, they celebrated Christmas in Dumas with Jatawn's parents, Archie and Judy. This was their family tradition. They'd had one Christmas without Jatawn in '04 and now, here I was, in Gary's life, in '05. Gary and the kids went to Dumas Christmas Eve and I drove up on Christmas day. I was beyond nervous.
I already met Judy and Archie during the summer. Gary and I drove up to see them because he wanted me to meet them. The four of us sat in their living room and visited for a couple of hours. They were delightful. They even knew who my parents were from many years previous. Judy and Archie thought of Gary like a son. When we were leaving, Archie said, "I just consider you my daughter-in-law." There couldn't have been a nicer thing he could have said to me that day. My heart was glad.
Having said all that, I must admit, spending our first Christmas in Dumas was still difficult for me. It wasn't just Judy and Archie, it was their entire family! A fairly big family. They were all so nice to me, but nothing could help what I was feeling. Out-of-place times a million! I felt like I was a constant reminder that Jatawn wasn't there anymore. My mind convinced me that is what everyone thought. The longer we stayed, the more difficult it became for me because of all the tormenting thoughts going through my head. No one acted differently, this was all in my mind! I am amazed at how powerful our thoughts are on our emotions, even if there is no truth to them at all! Needless to say, I felt like I was holding my breath most of the time I was there. I wasn't literally, but it seemed that way. There was absolutely no validity to those tormenting thoughts, none. The entire family was so loving and welcomed me with open arms, so where was this coming from? Pure and simple, the insecurity of not being accepted. Hmm? Some new devil I was dealing with had appeared. Being in relationships has a way of uncovering many things that we'd never find out while alone.
Please don't let me color the holidays as dismal, because they weren't at all. I had a great time the whole season and this was a new chapter in my life. I knew there was work to be done and I wanted to tend to the things that held me back, i.e. insecurity of acceptance was a big one.
I have to tell you what Gary got me for our first Christmas, he was so proud of himself. He handed me a large, wrapped box and he was beaming from ear to ear. "No one's ever given you this present. You're going to love it!" I opened it up, not having any idea what it could be. What did I find? A set of camo's. Camouflage jacket and pants for hunting! Gary was right, no one had ever given me that! Gary, being the avid hunter he is, envisioned us hunting together. He also knew how cold-natured I was, so he thought this would be a great gift for me! I must say, those camo's have come in handy on some cold mornings in Wheeler sitting in a deer blind.
Gary also got me a pink, zebra striped Victoria's Secret robe I'd picked out. He follows directions well. We had a great holiday season. Sometimes it was a little awkward, but for the most part, we all made it through and grew some as well. That's always a good thing.
Now, Gary, on the other hand, had an abundance of family! We celebrated with his Mom and her husband, Bill and Gary's grandparents, Papa Joe and Flo. Then there was his dad, Jimmy and step mom, Jerre and Jerre's kids. Norm and Karen and Jan and Frank Frisbee. All of a sudden, I had more family than I'd ever had in my life! Almost overnight!
For 20 years, while Gary and Jatawn were married, they celebrated Christmas in Dumas with Jatawn's parents, Archie and Judy. This was their family tradition. They'd had one Christmas without Jatawn in '04 and now, here I was, in Gary's life, in '05. Gary and the kids went to Dumas Christmas Eve and I drove up on Christmas day. I was beyond nervous.
I already met Judy and Archie during the summer. Gary and I drove up to see them because he wanted me to meet them. The four of us sat in their living room and visited for a couple of hours. They were delightful. They even knew who my parents were from many years previous. Judy and Archie thought of Gary like a son. When we were leaving, Archie said, "I just consider you my daughter-in-law." There couldn't have been a nicer thing he could have said to me that day. My heart was glad.
Having said all that, I must admit, spending our first Christmas in Dumas was still difficult for me. It wasn't just Judy and Archie, it was their entire family! A fairly big family. They were all so nice to me, but nothing could help what I was feeling. Out-of-place times a million! I felt like I was a constant reminder that Jatawn wasn't there anymore. My mind convinced me that is what everyone thought. The longer we stayed, the more difficult it became for me because of all the tormenting thoughts going through my head. No one acted differently, this was all in my mind! I am amazed at how powerful our thoughts are on our emotions, even if there is no truth to them at all! Needless to say, I felt like I was holding my breath most of the time I was there. I wasn't literally, but it seemed that way. There was absolutely no validity to those tormenting thoughts, none. The entire family was so loving and welcomed me with open arms, so where was this coming from? Pure and simple, the insecurity of not being accepted. Hmm? Some new devil I was dealing with had appeared. Being in relationships has a way of uncovering many things that we'd never find out while alone.
Please don't let me color the holidays as dismal, because they weren't at all. I had a great time the whole season and this was a new chapter in my life. I knew there was work to be done and I wanted to tend to the things that held me back, i.e. insecurity of acceptance was a big one.
I have to tell you what Gary got me for our first Christmas, he was so proud of himself. He handed me a large, wrapped box and he was beaming from ear to ear. "No one's ever given you this present. You're going to love it!" I opened it up, not having any idea what it could be. What did I find? A set of camo's. Camouflage jacket and pants for hunting! Gary was right, no one had ever given me that! Gary, being the avid hunter he is, envisioned us hunting together. He also knew how cold-natured I was, so he thought this would be a great gift for me! I must say, those camo's have come in handy on some cold mornings in Wheeler sitting in a deer blind.
Gary also got me a pink, zebra striped Victoria's Secret robe I'd picked out. He follows directions well. We had a great holiday season. Sometimes it was a little awkward, but for the most part, we all made it through and grew some as well. That's always a good thing.
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