Just a couple of days before the wedding, we had a rehearsal with Shannon, Gary's best man. Karen couldn't be there, as she was in Lubbock with Norm, so Shannon's wife, Monnie, stood in as my Matron of Honor for the rehearsal. I remember laughing and having fun that night, but deep down inside, there was this "gloom" hovering over the activities. That "gloom" was my fear that Norm wouldn't be able to come to the wedding at all. Gary and I decided to have a "back-up" plan, just in case Norm wasn't released from the hospital. I'd walk myself down the aisle and Gary would come get me about half way. We'd walk back to the alter together. Not my first choice, but I was okay with that for a back-up plan.
The night before the wedding, friends and family gathered over at Jimmy and Jerre's house for some fellowship. Very convenient for me since I lived across the street. The atmosphere on the "outside" was one of celebration and joy. Gary and I were getting married the next day! But the "gloom" lingered on the inside of me. This was not how I had planned my wedding at all. Then the questions and the torment would start all over again..."You don't deserve a big wedding, Dawn, you've already been married once and you failed at that miserably!" Oh, the enemy was beyond relentless. I never knew how physically challenging it was to mentally fight our worst enemy. The events from the month of May had left me exhausted physically, mentally and spiritually. I didn't feel God heard my cries to Him and I couldn't understand why He seemed to be ignoring me. I needed Him now, more than ever. I needed to understand all this. Should I get married, Lord? Is this a sign not to?
Confused, dazed, exhausted and full of doubt--what better place to be for the enemy to attack you? He doesn't care that you're already face down about to give up. NO! He comes in for more, a kick to the side, to the back, to the face...I know the only way I could have made it through that time is that Jesus was right there with me. He wasn't about to let the enemy take my life, completely.
My cell phone rang, and it was Kendra. She said, "We're losing him, pray Dawn." I told her I would and we hung up. I immediately fell face down on the couch and cried out, "Why, Why Lord? Are you really going to let this happen?" I took this all personally, as if God was punishing me so He takes Norm the day before my wedding. (Another lie from the enemy, but at this point, I can't fight him.)
Of course, the atmosphere at Jimmy and Jerre's changed in an instant. They all knew the situation with Norm, but I just don't think we expected to hear it this soon. Not right now. I came back across the street to our house and some friends and family came as well. Then I got another call from Kendra, "He's gone, he's gone to be with the Lord." Oh my gosh, my heart ached as if it would pop out of my chest. My heart ached for so many things: for Karen, Kendra, and Kyle and all their family, knowing how this feels to lose their dad. Norm was like a "dad" to me as well, although I'd only known him about a year and a half. I just couldn't believe he was gone.
Now, I really started questioning what I was supposed to do. Everything seemed like a blurr. I couldn't possibly get married the next day! We'd just lost Norm! WHAT AM I SUPPOSED TO DO, LORD? I couldn't think straight anymore. Gary was so loving and understanding and just held me. He didn't say much because he knew there wasn't much to say. But his arms around me spoke volumes. As I thought out loud about what to do, how to handle the next day-which just happened to be my wedding day, my phone rang again. It was Karen. She told me they would all be coming home tonight. I told her I didn't know what to do about the wedding and she so graciously said, "You are absolutely getting married tomorrow! Norm wouldn't have it any other way. And we will all be there; we wouldn't miss it!" Can you believe that? I couldn't believe my ears. Here this woman has just lost her husband and she's telling me that she will be at my wedding the next day, while I'm crying and falling apart, wondering if I should still get married.
It was Karen's words that helped me get over the hump and start thinking about the wedding again. Her faith and strength shined so brightly in that conversation, that I couldn't help but feel a little better after talking with her.
The night wore on and our friends and family needed to get home. Including Gary. He wasn't sure if he should leave me alone, but I assured him, I'd be okay. After everyone left and I was alone, I cried out to God and He comforted me. The enemy kept telling me lies to keep me upset and hurting, but God whispered sweet things like, "I will never leave you, nor forsake you, Dawn. Norm's death had nothing to do with you. I knew the day Norm would come to Heaven long before you were ever born, Dawn. You are not a failure, but a blessing." It was the sweet words whispered to me by God that night that put me to sleep. What a loving Father He is.
The night before the wedding, friends and family gathered over at Jimmy and Jerre's house for some fellowship. Very convenient for me since I lived across the street. The atmosphere on the "outside" was one of celebration and joy. Gary and I were getting married the next day! But the "gloom" lingered on the inside of me. This was not how I had planned my wedding at all. Then the questions and the torment would start all over again..."You don't deserve a big wedding, Dawn, you've already been married once and you failed at that miserably!" Oh, the enemy was beyond relentless. I never knew how physically challenging it was to mentally fight our worst enemy. The events from the month of May had left me exhausted physically, mentally and spiritually. I didn't feel God heard my cries to Him and I couldn't understand why He seemed to be ignoring me. I needed Him now, more than ever. I needed to understand all this. Should I get married, Lord? Is this a sign not to?
Confused, dazed, exhausted and full of doubt--what better place to be for the enemy to attack you? He doesn't care that you're already face down about to give up. NO! He comes in for more, a kick to the side, to the back, to the face...I know the only way I could have made it through that time is that Jesus was right there with me. He wasn't about to let the enemy take my life, completely.
My cell phone rang, and it was Kendra. She said, "We're losing him, pray Dawn." I told her I would and we hung up. I immediately fell face down on the couch and cried out, "Why, Why Lord? Are you really going to let this happen?" I took this all personally, as if God was punishing me so He takes Norm the day before my wedding. (Another lie from the enemy, but at this point, I can't fight him.)
Of course, the atmosphere at Jimmy and Jerre's changed in an instant. They all knew the situation with Norm, but I just don't think we expected to hear it this soon. Not right now. I came back across the street to our house and some friends and family came as well. Then I got another call from Kendra, "He's gone, he's gone to be with the Lord." Oh my gosh, my heart ached as if it would pop out of my chest. My heart ached for so many things: for Karen, Kendra, and Kyle and all their family, knowing how this feels to lose their dad. Norm was like a "dad" to me as well, although I'd only known him about a year and a half. I just couldn't believe he was gone.
Now, I really started questioning what I was supposed to do. Everything seemed like a blurr. I couldn't possibly get married the next day! We'd just lost Norm! WHAT AM I SUPPOSED TO DO, LORD? I couldn't think straight anymore. Gary was so loving and understanding and just held me. He didn't say much because he knew there wasn't much to say. But his arms around me spoke volumes. As I thought out loud about what to do, how to handle the next day-which just happened to be my wedding day, my phone rang again. It was Karen. She told me they would all be coming home tonight. I told her I didn't know what to do about the wedding and she so graciously said, "You are absolutely getting married tomorrow! Norm wouldn't have it any other way. And we will all be there; we wouldn't miss it!" Can you believe that? I couldn't believe my ears. Here this woman has just lost her husband and she's telling me that she will be at my wedding the next day, while I'm crying and falling apart, wondering if I should still get married.
It was Karen's words that helped me get over the hump and start thinking about the wedding again. Her faith and strength shined so brightly in that conversation, that I couldn't help but feel a little better after talking with her.
The night wore on and our friends and family needed to get home. Including Gary. He wasn't sure if he should leave me alone, but I assured him, I'd be okay. After everyone left and I was alone, I cried out to God and He comforted me. The enemy kept telling me lies to keep me upset and hurting, but God whispered sweet things like, "I will never leave you, nor forsake you, Dawn. Norm's death had nothing to do with you. I knew the day Norm would come to Heaven long before you were ever born, Dawn. You are not a failure, but a blessing." It was the sweet words whispered to me by God that night that put me to sleep. What a loving Father He is.
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