So, the month of May (our wedding month) quickly rolls around. We marked off the days on the calendar with joyful anticipation for a month filled with graduations, wedding, and lots of transitions. NO ONE could have convinced me the month of May would end the way it did. I don't know that I would have even believed God if He whispered the events that were about to take place.
First, the company I worked for selling yellow page advertising was bought out by a huge corporation, located in the East somewhere. Everything changed overnight. What was once a "family" type work environment, quickly turned into, "Corporate America-style." I am NOT a corporate America-style person and anxiety began to take over my thoughts. All of a sudden, I was working for a company that I didn't interview with, nor would I have interviewed for this position, because it just wasn't me.
One day, while standing at church, during worship, I started to black-out. I had no idea what was going on with me, but I broke out in a sweat, (which is ridiculous for me, because at church, I FREEZE!) As I blinked my eyes, everything went black for a few seconds after I opened them up. My stomach felt so nauseated, I wondered if I was going to vomit right then, or might I have time to make it to the restroom? I slowly sat down, trying to get a grip, praying for God to remove this from me. Gary asked if I was okay, but I didn't know if I was or not. I started breathing in deeper as I noticed I had been almost holding my breath from the anxiety of the situation. Finally, after about 5-6 minutes, my body seem to come back to normal. The black was no longer there after I blinked, I stopped sweating and my stomach was no longer nauseated. I had no idea what had just happened to me. I didn't believe it was the Holy Spirit sweeping over me....I doubt the Holy Spirit would bring a "sick" feeling with Him.
Not long after that, I had a visit with my doctor and told her about it. She thought it was probably an anxiety attack. She asked me if I had much going on...hmm? yea! I've got a lot going on-I'm getting married May 28th and going to become a step-mother and am a little nervous. My company got bought out and my work situation is very stressful and not something I desire to be a part of, but I didn't have much choice with the buy-out. Needless to say, I was under a lot of stress internally and externally. I am the type that always makes the internal stress 10 times worse than it already is.
A few days after the visit with my doctor, while Gary and I were watching TV at our new house, we received a phone call from a police officer asking us to come to his mother, JoMarie's house, which was just up the street from us. We had no idea what this was about, but we hurried over there to find JoMarie wailing with grief. Gary went to her and she told him, "Bill's been killed in an accident!" Bill is JoMarie's husband. He was coming home from work in his car, when a speeding motorcycle barreled into his driver's side door, killing Bill instantly with a broken neck. This was unbelievable. We were all in shock. The policemen were kind enough to stay until Gary and I arrived. My heart breaks today just writing this. Bill was one of the kindest men I'd met. He loved the Lord with all his heart and he loved JoMarie dearly. They were such a great couple together. They lived in a beautiful, large home on the golf course, but had decided to down-size and purchased a condo they'd found. The very next day, the movers were coming to move everything to the new condo. Most of the house was packed up in boxes sitting around everywhere. The timing of Bill's death was most unusual with the season that he and JoMarie were about to enter. In an instant, he was gone.
The next day brought about much anxiety for everyone with the move pending and the condo to be remodeled. Plus, I was expected at work to complete training. If I thought I had anxiety before, I really had it now. I didn't know what to do next. I grew more and more anxious about work. I took the next few days off, and already dreaded returning.
We decided it would be best if JoMarie didn't live in the condo by herself while the remodel was going on. We found an apt. for her across the street from her condo that she had lived in many years before. We moved her in but with some trepidation. The situation seemed dangerous for a single woman who is not in the best of health anyway. Possibly drug dealers in the area and people up late outside the apts...it just didn't seem good. But for the time being, she was settled there until we found something else.
In the meantime, a few days later, Gary and I headed to College Station to attend Bree's college graduation from A&M. This should be a joyful time of celebration, but Bill's death hovered over all of us like a gray cloud. We got Bree's belongings packed and loaded up in a U-Haul and headed back for nine long hours to Amarillo the next day. On our long drive home, I received a call from Karen. She told me Norm had been ill and went to the ER. Because he was a transplant patient, the Amarillo doctors thought it best his doctors in Lubbock treat him. So, they headed to Lubbock. The doctors determined that Norm's body was rejecting the donated kidney I gave him. I believe I heard a statistic that up to 4o% of transplant patients go through some type of rejection episode. It's usually treated with a new concoction of immuno-suppressant drugs to save the kidney, but in Norm's case, his kidney was already not functioning-so the doctors decided to remove the kidney. This is a fairly routine operation since the kidney is placed just under the skin and is easy to reach.
So, that's how Karen and I left that conversation. Norm was going to go through a routine operation to remove the kidney to stop his body from rejecting it. We felt positive about the outcome and I told her I'd call the next day, after we got Bree's belongings unloaded.
I was beyond overwhelmed, physically and emotionally. I really thought God might have accidentally put more on my plate than I could handle, but God doesn't make mistakes. I wrote in my journal: Lord, please show me what to do next. I don't know. The cliff rocks are falling down on top of me and I feel like if they don't kill me from the blows, I'll just be buried alive in all of them. Tell me, show me that it's not as bad as the enemy paints the picture. Show me the good. Help me find the good. Please forgive me Lord for this pity-party. I truly don't know what to do and thought You might know the answer. I will wait patiently to hear from You. Please comfort JoMarie.
As I said before, no one, not even God Himself, could have convinced me that the events of the month of May were actually going to happen and there was not a thing I or anyone else could do about them. In the midst of trials, it's hard to say, "God is good, all the time." But, He Is.
First, the company I worked for selling yellow page advertising was bought out by a huge corporation, located in the East somewhere. Everything changed overnight. What was once a "family" type work environment, quickly turned into, "Corporate America-style." I am NOT a corporate America-style person and anxiety began to take over my thoughts. All of a sudden, I was working for a company that I didn't interview with, nor would I have interviewed for this position, because it just wasn't me.
One day, while standing at church, during worship, I started to black-out. I had no idea what was going on with me, but I broke out in a sweat, (which is ridiculous for me, because at church, I FREEZE!) As I blinked my eyes, everything went black for a few seconds after I opened them up. My stomach felt so nauseated, I wondered if I was going to vomit right then, or might I have time to make it to the restroom? I slowly sat down, trying to get a grip, praying for God to remove this from me. Gary asked if I was okay, but I didn't know if I was or not. I started breathing in deeper as I noticed I had been almost holding my breath from the anxiety of the situation. Finally, after about 5-6 minutes, my body seem to come back to normal. The black was no longer there after I blinked, I stopped sweating and my stomach was no longer nauseated. I had no idea what had just happened to me. I didn't believe it was the Holy Spirit sweeping over me....I doubt the Holy Spirit would bring a "sick" feeling with Him.
Not long after that, I had a visit with my doctor and told her about it. She thought it was probably an anxiety attack. She asked me if I had much going on...hmm? yea! I've got a lot going on-I'm getting married May 28th and going to become a step-mother and am a little nervous. My company got bought out and my work situation is very stressful and not something I desire to be a part of, but I didn't have much choice with the buy-out. Needless to say, I was under a lot of stress internally and externally. I am the type that always makes the internal stress 10 times worse than it already is.
A few days after the visit with my doctor, while Gary and I were watching TV at our new house, we received a phone call from a police officer asking us to come to his mother, JoMarie's house, which was just up the street from us. We had no idea what this was about, but we hurried over there to find JoMarie wailing with grief. Gary went to her and she told him, "Bill's been killed in an accident!" Bill is JoMarie's husband. He was coming home from work in his car, when a speeding motorcycle barreled into his driver's side door, killing Bill instantly with a broken neck. This was unbelievable. We were all in shock. The policemen were kind enough to stay until Gary and I arrived. My heart breaks today just writing this. Bill was one of the kindest men I'd met. He loved the Lord with all his heart and he loved JoMarie dearly. They were such a great couple together. They lived in a beautiful, large home on the golf course, but had decided to down-size and purchased a condo they'd found. The very next day, the movers were coming to move everything to the new condo. Most of the house was packed up in boxes sitting around everywhere. The timing of Bill's death was most unusual with the season that he and JoMarie were about to enter. In an instant, he was gone.
The next day brought about much anxiety for everyone with the move pending and the condo to be remodeled. Plus, I was expected at work to complete training. If I thought I had anxiety before, I really had it now. I didn't know what to do next. I grew more and more anxious about work. I took the next few days off, and already dreaded returning.
We decided it would be best if JoMarie didn't live in the condo by herself while the remodel was going on. We found an apt. for her across the street from her condo that she had lived in many years before. We moved her in but with some trepidation. The situation seemed dangerous for a single woman who is not in the best of health anyway. Possibly drug dealers in the area and people up late outside the apts...it just didn't seem good. But for the time being, she was settled there until we found something else.
In the meantime, a few days later, Gary and I headed to College Station to attend Bree's college graduation from A&M. This should be a joyful time of celebration, but Bill's death hovered over all of us like a gray cloud. We got Bree's belongings packed and loaded up in a U-Haul and headed back for nine long hours to Amarillo the next day. On our long drive home, I received a call from Karen. She told me Norm had been ill and went to the ER. Because he was a transplant patient, the Amarillo doctors thought it best his doctors in Lubbock treat him. So, they headed to Lubbock. The doctors determined that Norm's body was rejecting the donated kidney I gave him. I believe I heard a statistic that up to 4o% of transplant patients go through some type of rejection episode. It's usually treated with a new concoction of immuno-suppressant drugs to save the kidney, but in Norm's case, his kidney was already not functioning-so the doctors decided to remove the kidney. This is a fairly routine operation since the kidney is placed just under the skin and is easy to reach.
So, that's how Karen and I left that conversation. Norm was going to go through a routine operation to remove the kidney to stop his body from rejecting it. We felt positive about the outcome and I told her I'd call the next day, after we got Bree's belongings unloaded.
I was beyond overwhelmed, physically and emotionally. I really thought God might have accidentally put more on my plate than I could handle, but God doesn't make mistakes. I wrote in my journal: Lord, please show me what to do next. I don't know. The cliff rocks are falling down on top of me and I feel like if they don't kill me from the blows, I'll just be buried alive in all of them. Tell me, show me that it's not as bad as the enemy paints the picture. Show me the good. Help me find the good. Please forgive me Lord for this pity-party. I truly don't know what to do and thought You might know the answer. I will wait patiently to hear from You. Please comfort JoMarie.
As I said before, no one, not even God Himself, could have convinced me that the events of the month of May were actually going to happen and there was not a thing I or anyone else could do about them. In the midst of trials, it's hard to say, "God is good, all the time." But, He Is.
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