During all of this, my Aunt Sandra had battled lung cancer since the previous August. This was my aunt that I stayed with after school, (when I was around ages 7-9), when Dad was still working, (Mom had left when they divorced.) My heart was literally BREAKING for Sandra's two boys, Richard and Scot. I knew their pain all too well and since I'd never really healed all that pain, every time someone went through it, I felt it's sting as well. Sandra had completed several rounds of chemo and radiation. The tumors had shrunk, but were still there. Lung cancer is it's own special kind of "beast."
Meanwhile, Norm's surgery seemed to go well--the first 12 hours. After that, everything went downhill. His arteries bled out after the surgery causing his blood pressure to drop so severely, at one point, the doctors had to "shock" him back, (with the defibrillators.) I drove to Lubbock and stayed all night with Karen and Kendra in a small family waiting room, (about 10 feet sqaure.) We put an air mattress on the floor and slept there...only a few feet from ICU, where Norm lay, helpless.
In the meantime, JoMarie was desperate to move to a safer apartment and needed my help for that. I drove back to Amarillo and helped her pack and move to a better apartment and was relieved she felt better about moving. Bless her heart, she was still in shock and barely functioning and to have to go through two moves after the loss of her husband...I don't know how she kept functioning. She has a wonderful group of girlfriends who've been close to each other for many years. They all rallied around her and kept her going through all this.
It was mid-may and with everything going on with Norm and JoMarie I couldn't seem to get back to work. My anxiety about work mounted. There were so many other immediate needs of my family, that work was the last thing on the list of importance. I felt the Lord saying it was okay to resign. Yet, since Gary and I weren't married yet, it felt more like jumping off a cliff...while God said, "JUMP, I'll catch you, I promise." It truly was an act of faith. While sitting in my managers office to give her my resignation, my cell phone rang. It was Karen. Norm was in a fight for his life. His blood pressure had dropped again and they were about to use the "cart" on him. I knew right then I'd made the right choice to resign. I left the office and drove straight to Lubbock. By the time I'd arrived, the doctors had Norm stabilized. His body was fighting so hard to live. His arteries had to be surgically cauterized three different times. Dr. Van Buren explained to me that Norm's arteries resembled those of an 85 year old, instead of a 61 year old man. All the years of dialysis and drugs he's had to take, have weakened his body significantly.
I prayed so hard for Norm to supernaturally recover. I bargained with God to please let him get well, let him come home-even if in a wheel chair temporarily. You see, many months prior, I'd asked Norm to walk me down the aisle and give me away at my wedding. He so graciously accepted. I'd also asked Karen to be my Matron of Honor. Gary and I decided to have only one attendant. Karen already had her beautiful dress. A vibrant aqua color that matched the color of her eyes. We found a gorgeous aqua tie for Norm, as well. Shannon Burdett, Gary's best man, had his tux all rented and ready to go.
I realize it was selfish of me to want Norm to be able to give me away, since he now was fighting for his life. I wanted him to be released from that hospital, not just to attend my wedding, but because I wanted him healed and back to the 6 foot, 7 inch huge, full of life man he had been before.
I was beginning to doubt everything. I felt God was punishing me. Was I supposed to get married or not? What was all this about, Lord? I had grown so weary from the events of the month of May, I didn't know what to do next-literally. Randomly, I found myself forgetting where I was while driving down a street. My mind was literally playing tricks on me due to weariness and fighting the enemy almost every minute of every day. Utter torture was his tactic. He was not subtle at all, like he usually is.
Through the two weeks of Norm's hospitalization, I drove to Lubbock several times. Back and forth as much as I could. I wanted to be with Karen, Kendra and Kyle as much as possible yet I was still tying up loose ends for the wedding. I was conflicted the entire time. So fragile, I felt at any moment, I was about to crack. The Lord never left me, or any of us, during this time. I still had faith that Norm would come home, even if in a wheel chair, days before the wedding. Somehow, I still how had hope. If not, I might have surrendered to the enemy, but I wasn't about to let him win this battle.
Meanwhile, Norm's surgery seemed to go well--the first 12 hours. After that, everything went downhill. His arteries bled out after the surgery causing his blood pressure to drop so severely, at one point, the doctors had to "shock" him back, (with the defibrillators.) I drove to Lubbock and stayed all night with Karen and Kendra in a small family waiting room, (about 10 feet sqaure.) We put an air mattress on the floor and slept there...only a few feet from ICU, where Norm lay, helpless.
In the meantime, JoMarie was desperate to move to a safer apartment and needed my help for that. I drove back to Amarillo and helped her pack and move to a better apartment and was relieved she felt better about moving. Bless her heart, she was still in shock and barely functioning and to have to go through two moves after the loss of her husband...I don't know how she kept functioning. She has a wonderful group of girlfriends who've been close to each other for many years. They all rallied around her and kept her going through all this.
It was mid-may and with everything going on with Norm and JoMarie I couldn't seem to get back to work. My anxiety about work mounted. There were so many other immediate needs of my family, that work was the last thing on the list of importance. I felt the Lord saying it was okay to resign. Yet, since Gary and I weren't married yet, it felt more like jumping off a cliff...while God said, "JUMP, I'll catch you, I promise." It truly was an act of faith. While sitting in my managers office to give her my resignation, my cell phone rang. It was Karen. Norm was in a fight for his life. His blood pressure had dropped again and they were about to use the "cart" on him. I knew right then I'd made the right choice to resign. I left the office and drove straight to Lubbock. By the time I'd arrived, the doctors had Norm stabilized. His body was fighting so hard to live. His arteries had to be surgically cauterized three different times. Dr. Van Buren explained to me that Norm's arteries resembled those of an 85 year old, instead of a 61 year old man. All the years of dialysis and drugs he's had to take, have weakened his body significantly.
I prayed so hard for Norm to supernaturally recover. I bargained with God to please let him get well, let him come home-even if in a wheel chair temporarily. You see, many months prior, I'd asked Norm to walk me down the aisle and give me away at my wedding. He so graciously accepted. I'd also asked Karen to be my Matron of Honor. Gary and I decided to have only one attendant. Karen already had her beautiful dress. A vibrant aqua color that matched the color of her eyes. We found a gorgeous aqua tie for Norm, as well. Shannon Burdett, Gary's best man, had his tux all rented and ready to go.
I realize it was selfish of me to want Norm to be able to give me away, since he now was fighting for his life. I wanted him to be released from that hospital, not just to attend my wedding, but because I wanted him healed and back to the 6 foot, 7 inch huge, full of life man he had been before.
I was beginning to doubt everything. I felt God was punishing me. Was I supposed to get married or not? What was all this about, Lord? I had grown so weary from the events of the month of May, I didn't know what to do next-literally. Randomly, I found myself forgetting where I was while driving down a street. My mind was literally playing tricks on me due to weariness and fighting the enemy almost every minute of every day. Utter torture was his tactic. He was not subtle at all, like he usually is.
Through the two weeks of Norm's hospitalization, I drove to Lubbock several times. Back and forth as much as I could. I wanted to be with Karen, Kendra and Kyle as much as possible yet I was still tying up loose ends for the wedding. I was conflicted the entire time. So fragile, I felt at any moment, I was about to crack. The Lord never left me, or any of us, during this time. I still had faith that Norm would come home, even if in a wheel chair, days before the wedding. Somehow, I still how had hope. If not, I might have surrendered to the enemy, but I wasn't about to let him win this battle.
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