We passed "pre-marital" counseling!

I'm sorry to jump around time wise, but fast forward to February 2006. I've moved into the new house, across the street from Jimmy and Jerre, my in-laws. Gary and I are attending pre-marital counseling at Trinity Fellowship with Pastor Bo Williams and going through a great book called, "100 questions to Ask Before You Get Engaged." We were already engaged, but I highly recommend this book to any couple considering engagement or marriage. It asks questions you might never think to ask each other, which is good!

One thing I learned in counseling is that my greatest fear was not measuring up to Bree and Britton's expectations. I don't know if they had any, but I was extremely afraid that if they did, I wouldn't measure up to them. I didn't want to disappoint them in any way as their dad's wife or as a step-mother. Yet, I had no idea how a step-mother should be. I was really at a loss to know what good mothering skills were. On the other hand, Bree and Britton were grown and didn't need "mothering", yet I know how I felt when my parents died. Especially my mom. I desired to have a "mother" figure in my life. After my mom died, and I was without either parent, I especially longed to have someone interested in me at all. Much like a parent would be interested in their child. I was sometimes desperate for that kind of "interest." That's asking a lot of someone. It's fairly difficult to treat someone as "your own." Especially if you don't have a long history or some other "aspect" that really binds you together. It takes time and commitment to achieve a relationship like that, and most parental figures are busy being interested in their own children, not someone else's.

Gary's greatest fear was that something would happen to me. Such as, I might get sick with cancer or some other disease and die and he would be left alone again. I could certainly understand his fear and it seemed logical to me after all he'd been through. I was grieved that he feared that. Pastor Bo prayed for us that day and prayed "fear" to be removed from our lives and that we wouldn't be controlled by a spirit of fear.

Pastor Bo was convinced that Gary and I were on the same page regarding important issues, such as spiritual growth, finances, family, etc. That was good to hear. I thought we were, but it's always nice to hear that from an objective person. We trusted Pastor Bo's opinion.

I absolutely believe in pre-marital counseling for everyone, especially blended families. But even with pre-marital counseling, some unforeseen issues can't be discussed because they haven't happened yet, so counseling after marriage is a great idea too! I read a book last year, "The Smart Step-Family" by Ron Deal and I greatly wished I'd read it before we got married. My goodness! What a great book for blended families. I highly recommend that book for any couple with a blended family who plans to marry OR is already married. I can't say enough good about it. Ron also just released another book, called "The Smart Step-Mom" that I reviewed during the editing phase. Wow! Another great book, indeed. The "Smart Step-Family" is great to read as a couple because it has questions at the end of each chapter. It could even be read for a group study. The "Smart Step-Mom", obviously, is great for the "mom" of the family. It's usually the mom who internalizes everything about the family. I know I sure did. Anyway, if you're interested, log onto Ron's website. www.successfulstepfamilies.com It holds a wealth of information for step-family issues. It's nice to be enlightened, especially on such a complex subject. With so many families entering into a "step" family life, any helpful insight is such a blessing and almost a necessity due to the high percentage of second families ending in divorce. Go ahead, get the books! You'll be glad you did, I promise! :)