During our phone conversation on Monday, Gary and I discussed that we would see each other the next day at the Business Connection and afterwards, meet for coffee at Starbuck's on Georgia. I was already smitten and completely beside myself! My feelings were swirling around in my stomach like butterflies. It was utter bliss to think a man such as Gary Wells was interested in me! (At this point, I hadn't fully grasped that God had made me brand new...I was not the Old Dawn anymore.)
After the Business Connection, Gary and I met at Starbucks. I can't even describe how nervous and excited I was to see him and sit down and talk to him. Remember, this really was about the first "kind-of date" that I hadn't met the guy while extremely intoxicated. I felt so "exposed" and vulnerable because I couldn't hide behind the psuedo-confident wall of alcohol I had used so many times in past relationships. I walked up to the front door feeling "naked!" This is it, I thought. This is me, in the "raw" with no blanket to cover over my insecurities. I prayed ferverntly that I wouldn't say anything ridiculous and that the Holy Spirit would speak through me. I grabbed a deck of cards that were in my glove box just in case there was an lull in our conversation. (Actually, that was my security blanket...we can play a few games of Gin to take the focus off having to keep the conversation going. Good grief! I was nervous!)
We sat at the back table, all by ourselves and talked comfortably with each other. Just for the fun of it, I pulled out my deck of cards and he laughed. He loves to play Gin and we talked while we played three games of Gin. To this day, he says I beat him 2 to 1, but I really don't remember. I am glad I took the cards in. (That's something we laugh about today.) There were a few times Gary became teary while talking about his late wife, Jatawn. The upcoming weekend was Mother's Day and the week had been hard on him so far. I clearly remember thinking, when he shed tears, how remarkable it was for a man to be so comfortable to share tears with someone he just met. I'd never seen a man do that. I didn't think of him as weak, but very strong. Strong enough to be "real" and not care what other's thought. THAT is a strong man. A very different "strong" than what I'd seen in my lifetime, but I liked what I saw. As exposed and vulnerable as I felt, Gary met me there with his own vunerabilities and exposed the very essence of his heart to me. I was in awe.
I wrote in my journal that night: Lord, thank You for the time I spent with Gary tonight. What a true blessing to know him, to know a man so righteous even exists - and to think You thought me worthy enough to meet him and spend time with him. It all seems a little awkward-not knowing when or if he may call again. THIS is unchartered territory for me. Actually, just spending time with someone on a friendly basis-no strings attached-is unusual for me.
Up until the end, I felt all went really well. He knew about my dipping in the past, I think from Jimmy, but he didn't reveal that until the end. He couldn't believe I used to dip. He didn't seem to overwhelmed by that. And when the evening was closing, he mentioned movies-he loved going to the movies. He also reminded me of the Downtown Bank Branch opening on Thursday and to come if I could. (Gary was never forward or assuming with me, quite the gentleman.)
He became tearful several times tonight-he is so not recovered from the trauma of losing his wife, although he said Jatawn told him to live his life-abundantly. He has no regrets and no guilt. The "first anniversary dates" will be hard.
Help me Lord to be the friend he needs in me. Help me Lord to put selfish ambition away. I felt the Lord whisper in my Spirit. . .Step back, Dawn, and let him grieve. Don't try to stop his grieving process. He has healthy boundaries. That's a good thing. All is well. All is well.
After the Business Connection, Gary and I met at Starbucks. I can't even describe how nervous and excited I was to see him and sit down and talk to him. Remember, this really was about the first "kind-of date" that I hadn't met the guy while extremely intoxicated. I felt so "exposed" and vulnerable because I couldn't hide behind the psuedo-confident wall of alcohol I had used so many times in past relationships. I walked up to the front door feeling "naked!" This is it, I thought. This is me, in the "raw" with no blanket to cover over my insecurities. I prayed ferverntly that I wouldn't say anything ridiculous and that the Holy Spirit would speak through me. I grabbed a deck of cards that were in my glove box just in case there was an lull in our conversation. (Actually, that was my security blanket...we can play a few games of Gin to take the focus off having to keep the conversation going. Good grief! I was nervous!)
We sat at the back table, all by ourselves and talked comfortably with each other. Just for the fun of it, I pulled out my deck of cards and he laughed. He loves to play Gin and we talked while we played three games of Gin. To this day, he says I beat him 2 to 1, but I really don't remember. I am glad I took the cards in. (That's something we laugh about today.) There were a few times Gary became teary while talking about his late wife, Jatawn. The upcoming weekend was Mother's Day and the week had been hard on him so far. I clearly remember thinking, when he shed tears, how remarkable it was for a man to be so comfortable to share tears with someone he just met. I'd never seen a man do that. I didn't think of him as weak, but very strong. Strong enough to be "real" and not care what other's thought. THAT is a strong man. A very different "strong" than what I'd seen in my lifetime, but I liked what I saw. As exposed and vulnerable as I felt, Gary met me there with his own vunerabilities and exposed the very essence of his heart to me. I was in awe.
I wrote in my journal that night: Lord, thank You for the time I spent with Gary tonight. What a true blessing to know him, to know a man so righteous even exists - and to think You thought me worthy enough to meet him and spend time with him. It all seems a little awkward-not knowing when or if he may call again. THIS is unchartered territory for me. Actually, just spending time with someone on a friendly basis-no strings attached-is unusual for me.
Up until the end, I felt all went really well. He knew about my dipping in the past, I think from Jimmy, but he didn't reveal that until the end. He couldn't believe I used to dip. He didn't seem to overwhelmed by that. And when the evening was closing, he mentioned movies-he loved going to the movies. He also reminded me of the Downtown Bank Branch opening on Thursday and to come if I could. (Gary was never forward or assuming with me, quite the gentleman.)
He became tearful several times tonight-he is so not recovered from the trauma of losing his wife, although he said Jatawn told him to live his life-abundantly. He has no regrets and no guilt. The "first anniversary dates" will be hard.
Help me Lord to be the friend he needs in me. Help me Lord to put selfish ambition away. I felt the Lord whisper in my Spirit. . .Step back, Dawn, and let him grieve. Don't try to stop his grieving process. He has healthy boundaries. That's a good thing. All is well. All is well.
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