That one thing I've been struggling with all my life, but especially as of late, is "selfishness." Predominately, selfishness with my time. Some may ask, "how is that possible? You're a "housewife for goodness sakes!" Ahh, that's where selfishness can really rear it's ugly head, I'm discovering. Time is such a precious commodity in anyone's life, no matter what your profession or calling is. Time is precious because once passed, we can never regain those moments again. That very thought has been such a two-edged sword for me the past few weeks as my two Aunts have come into my life in such a way, that it's causing me to be face-to-face with my selfishness with time. The good thing about all of this, is that I believe God is trying to get at something in me that's not working for my life: selfishness.
I've had to spend some daunting hours in waiting rooms this past week as my Aunts visited different doctors they need to see for check-ups. Thankfully, nothing is seriously wrong with either of them, but four hours for doctor visits in one week seemed ridiculous! However, I can look back on the week and smile because I was there with them while they entertained the people in the waiting room. :)
My aunt, Brenda, age 68, going on 89, is truly a habitual complainer....literally, about every 7 seconds, another complaint comes flying off her lips. Sometimes, I wish I could grab them the minute they leave the launch pad of her tongue, but she's too quick. She's been at this for a while. The funny, (crazy) thing is, while I'm sitting there somewhat red-tinted from embarrassment, she literally has several people engaged in her half-hour comedy act! Her social ineptness allows her to speak so honestly, loudly and socially unacceptably-that, people are just laughing out loud at her and with her. All the while, she admits to them she is "certifiably crazy!"
It's nice to be able to laugh about this now, but at the time...I was sweating bullets at the fear of what M-16 Bomber might launch off her tongue! Her sister, Margie, who is 86, just sits by her, shaking her head back and forth and every now and then, will throw a right arm punch at Brenda for saying something she shouldn't have...Margie has a tendency to hit people as an act of love. When Dr. Soya came into her room to see her, he went over and held out his hand to shake hers, all the while, joking with her and she punches him right in the arm and laughs hysterically at herself. I was the one shaking my head back and forth. [One of these days, I'm going to video some of these hilarious moments and upload them right onto this blog!]
Okay, so back to the selfish part of me that I'm trying to get rid of...there are so many things I try to get done in a day and inevitably, I get sidetracked. So, time is so precious to me and I'm selfish with it. I fear I'm going to run out of time and not achieve all that I need to achieve. Ahhhh....another form of selfishness erupts! All that I need to achieve? Hmm? I find myself struggling with time and hoarding time so I can do what I want to do....not what God wants me to do. There's the key. When I am doing what God has called me to do, I have all the time I need. I don't run out of the precious commodity. It's when I'm trying to accomplish something of my own that I feel the burden of not enough time.
I will not have any regrets of spending this time with my aunts, especially after their time is up and all I'll have is a memory of some of the most challenging and hilarious moments I've lived lately.
"I can do everything through Him who gives me strength." Philippians 4:13
I don't need more time; I need less of me and more of Him! That is usually the case whenever I struggle with anything.
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