An Unexpected Meltdown...

It's the new year, the new decade, even! I have big hopes of doing some things differently and making 2010 a better year than 2009. I have to say, 2009 was a great year, so it won't be easy making it much better, but I intend to give it my best effort.

So, I get up today eager to accomplish all of my "to-do" list items. I awake with good energy from a great night's sleep, get Gary off to work and spend some quiet time reading God's Word and praying. So far, it seems like a great morning, but there seems to be this underlying "grrr" in my spirit. Do you know what I'm talking about? For me, it hits subtly about a week before "George" visits me. I try my hardest to keep the "grrr" under a lid, but it just exploded this morning!

I was working on an invitation for the Savior's Tear party coming up later this month. A dear friend had been working diligently on the invitation, but when she emailed it to me, some of the content/format was messed up and I couldn't use it. So, I quickly began forming one myself. The pressure seemed high because I need to get the document to Kinko's to get it printed to deliver to Nickki so she can put the labels on it. Needless to say, I was feeling immense pressure, frustration with my lack of computer/graphic abilities and then to top it off: I couldn't even get my flash drive to insert into the computer! I honestly thought I was going to have a nervous breakdown right then and there! Could anything else possibly go wrong in the matter of a few moments? This was NOT how I'd hoped to start off the new year and especially this day!

I was so angry, I yelled, and screamed for God to help me. I don't think I've been that mad or frustrated in such a long time, it worried me that I was able to get to upset over something so small. My only saving grace is that no one was around to hear the tantrum that I threw--thank goodness!

After my cries to the Lord to HELP ME PLEASE!!!! I stopped for a moment and just sat there, quietly-waiting to hear from the Lord. The files that I needed that were on the flash disk, were also on my computer-I didn't need to mess with the flash disk any longer. So, I got up and sat in the chair calmly and searched my computer and found all the files I needed. I continued on with the document and completed the task at hand.

Now, my analytical self is wondering where all that frustration and anger came from? I don't just get angry and blow up so there must be a root to all of that. I don't have the answer to that question yet, but I'm searching what God has to say. I felt horrible at the way I was acting and asked God to please forgive me. He has and I feel His forgiveness.

I like to be in control of myself and not "loose it", but I guess there are just times a person has to let off some built up steam. Maybe now that it's "out"....I can just go on about my day-grateful that God heard my prayer and my cries for help just when I needed Him the most. Whewww! Thank You, Lord! There will be trials and tribulations for us, but the best thing for me is to cry out to the Lord and then wait to hear what He says. I'm thinking I burned some serious calories during that little outburst, which is the "good" that comes from that! :)