Well, after my last post, I've sat down and had some really good "time" with God regarding my attitude, etc. Thank goodness His mercies are new every morning, no matter what yesterday looked like!
After having lunch yesterday with a dear friend of mine, and hearing her explanation, it made it seem so simple.... I have a wound that has not completely been healed and what happened the other day, bumped up against that wound and it hurt. The good news is this.. I recognized almost immediately that this needed some God-Attention and I went to Him with it. Thankfully, I didn't lash out at anyone while in my hurt and anger phase. Another bit of good news is this: when something causes such a reaction....tend to it. There is some underlying wound there that needs God's healing touch and only He can heal it...no one or no thing can heal that wound. Don't waste time trying to rationalize, justify or anesthetize it either. I tried all that for many years and nothing worked...nothing, that is, until I surrendered my life to God.
I've learned over the past few years that God heals in different ways...sometimes immediately and completely, sometimes He peels back the layers of our wounds a little at a time and heals them that way. However His method, know it's for your own good how He chooses to heal us. He created me and knows me better than I know myself...so I'm going to leave all that up to Him and His perfect ways.
Having said all that, I'm delighted to say, that today is a better day than two days ago and I'm so grateful. I'm also grateful for what I've learned in the past two days and that whether I have a good day or a bad day, God remains the same. His love for me never changes....whether I'm laughing, crying, or yelling....He loves me just the same. THAT my friend, is some good news! :)
"The Lord is full of compassion and MERCY." James 5:11 NIV
Friday, April 30, 2010
Wednesday, April 28, 2010
The "Funk. . ."
Ahh, The "Funk." Do you know what I'm talking about? It's that feeling that comes over me, completely unannounced and from left field....It seems to overtake me, and always by surprise. It's the claw that grabs my ankle, just when I think I've escaped it's grip....The "Funk" is when my hormones start doing their thing in my body. Physically, I can feel this veil-like oppression come over me and it is very dark in nature. The funk could very well be the thorn in my side that I've asked God to remove from me many times, yet, to no avail.
When the Funk comes, I just want to crawl under the covers and hide from everyone and everything. I don't feel like talking to people, in person or on the phone or even by email. What's weird is that I can get up of a morning and the Funk isn't there, but somehow, somewhere in the middle of my day, it just comes over me.
Today was that day. I got up, did some things around the house and got ready to meet a friend for Birthday celebration lunch....as it is still the month of April and I am still celebrating the birthday! :) All seemed well, except for the wind blowing 50 miles an hour! Then, I headed over to the nursing home to handle a situation that has come up with my Aunt Brenda. Nothing major, just something that needed handling.
Then, I got a message from my sister Tanya requesting my help in finding a storage building for my Aunt's belongings from their home in Sunray, per our cousin, Shelby in Sunray...and BAM! The funk came on me like white on rice! I realized after talking to myself and others, out-loud, in my car, that I am angry about something and need to ask God for His help on handling this situation. So, I came home and got my journal out and started telling Him all about it, (as if He didn't already know.) Wow! There is some pent-up anger in my heart towards this situation and I'm just not sure what to do with it. I figured the anger was the open door for the Funk to come through....and here I sit, writing about it.
You know why I'm writing about this on my blog? Because it's REAL to me right now. I would seem "white-washed" if all I ever talked about was how wonderful life is and never revealed some of those days where the "funk" is all over me, like today. Another reason I'm sharing this "out-loud" is because I am not ashamed to say, (anymore), that I might have some anger left over from some situations that happened years ago. I feel completely free to express that because I AM FREE TO SAY THE TRUTH! Another thing that comes to my mind is BOUNDARIES! Boundaries are such a good thing---IF EXERCISED. Left un-exercised, they are completely useless! It's interesting to me how I exercise my right to set boundaries and how I don't....with certain people. Hmm? What am I afraid of? If I set some boundaries with someone....are they going to be upset? Well, probably, but I haven't done anything to hurt them....I am just drawing a line around my life to protect myself. However, at one point in my life, I didn't feel I had the right to draw a line around my life and protect myself. I thought everyone had complete access to me at ALL times....no matter what! Just because of WHO they were! Ha! What a misconception to not utilize a healthy boundary.
Goodness, I best stop writing for now. My blood pressure is rising as my fingers tap along this keyboard expressing what's in my heart. I best go seek the Lord's face and find out how to get to the bottom of this, do some more forgiving and give this situation to the Lord so I don't allow the door to remain open and the enemy to continue sneaking in...
. . .till next time . .
When the Funk comes, I just want to crawl under the covers and hide from everyone and everything. I don't feel like talking to people, in person or on the phone or even by email. What's weird is that I can get up of a morning and the Funk isn't there, but somehow, somewhere in the middle of my day, it just comes over me.
Today was that day. I got up, did some things around the house and got ready to meet a friend for Birthday celebration lunch....as it is still the month of April and I am still celebrating the birthday! :) All seemed well, except for the wind blowing 50 miles an hour! Then, I headed over to the nursing home to handle a situation that has come up with my Aunt Brenda. Nothing major, just something that needed handling.
Then, I got a message from my sister Tanya requesting my help in finding a storage building for my Aunt's belongings from their home in Sunray, per our cousin, Shelby in Sunray...and BAM! The funk came on me like white on rice! I realized after talking to myself and others, out-loud, in my car, that I am angry about something and need to ask God for His help on handling this situation. So, I came home and got my journal out and started telling Him all about it, (as if He didn't already know.) Wow! There is some pent-up anger in my heart towards this situation and I'm just not sure what to do with it. I figured the anger was the open door for the Funk to come through....and here I sit, writing about it.
You know why I'm writing about this on my blog? Because it's REAL to me right now. I would seem "white-washed" if all I ever talked about was how wonderful life is and never revealed some of those days where the "funk" is all over me, like today. Another reason I'm sharing this "out-loud" is because I am not ashamed to say, (anymore), that I might have some anger left over from some situations that happened years ago. I feel completely free to express that because I AM FREE TO SAY THE TRUTH! Another thing that comes to my mind is BOUNDARIES! Boundaries are such a good thing---IF EXERCISED. Left un-exercised, they are completely useless! It's interesting to me how I exercise my right to set boundaries and how I don't....with certain people. Hmm? What am I afraid of? If I set some boundaries with someone....are they going to be upset? Well, probably, but I haven't done anything to hurt them....I am just drawing a line around my life to protect myself. However, at one point in my life, I didn't feel I had the right to draw a line around my life and protect myself. I thought everyone had complete access to me at ALL times....no matter what! Just because of WHO they were! Ha! What a misconception to not utilize a healthy boundary.
Goodness, I best stop writing for now. My blood pressure is rising as my fingers tap along this keyboard expressing what's in my heart. I best go seek the Lord's face and find out how to get to the bottom of this, do some more forgiving and give this situation to the Lord so I don't allow the door to remain open and the enemy to continue sneaking in...
. . .till next time . .
Friday, April 23, 2010
Stop "doing" and start "receiving. . ."
Precious words from God the other day at Bible study. Hmm? Seems I've heard those words from Him before in my lifetime. Why is it so hard to receive? Do you also have that problem? I have such a "doer" mentality that I can't seem to stop myself from doing! I know I've mentioned this before, but I go from room to room starting new little projects and forget what the last project was in the previous room until I stumble back in there and see it! "Oh, I forgot I was even working on that!" I really crack myself up sometimes.
So, the other day, while in the luxurious moment of peace with God Himself. . . I clearly heard Him say, "Dawn, stop "doing" and start "receiving" from Me. I have so much I want to give you, but you are so busy, that I can't give it to you. The things I want to give you are peace of mind, a restful spirit and a renewal that only comes from moments of Sabbath with Me." Ohhhh! How I wish I wasn't wired the way I am at times. When I run into people who are just relaxed, slower talking and at ease---I'm envious! Not a really bad envy, but envy all the same.
However, I must also realize that God made me the way I am for a reason. The other day, while visiting with my friend, the word, "high-strung" was mentioned. Now, I personally don't like the feeling I get with that phrase, high-strung. It has a negative meaning to me. But to her, it meant someone who gets things done...the person to ask if you want to get it done! Hmm? I guess that was okay, having said it like that.
But still....God spoke to me, I have no doubt. There's a reason for what He said and I will take it to heart. It won't be easy, but I do believe it's necessary. I want to become the kind of person that people like to be around, not because I get things done, but because I'm pleasant to be around....at
ease....relaxed....peaceful. I know I can only be those things with God's help because left to my own doing, I would go 9-0 24/7. This weekend, I'm going to enjoy everything. I'm going to sit down and read, not just right before I go to bed, but at other times as well. I'm going to just sit and ponder too. I know that won't be easy, but I'm going to try it. We'll see how this goes. :)
In the meantime, I pray you have a blessed weekend, enjoy the moments in time of "nothingness and peace."
:)
So, the other day, while in the luxurious moment of peace with God Himself. . . I clearly heard Him say, "Dawn, stop "doing" and start "receiving" from Me. I have so much I want to give you, but you are so busy, that I can't give it to you. The things I want to give you are peace of mind, a restful spirit and a renewal that only comes from moments of Sabbath with Me." Ohhhh! How I wish I wasn't wired the way I am at times. When I run into people who are just relaxed, slower talking and at ease---I'm envious! Not a really bad envy, but envy all the same.
However, I must also realize that God made me the way I am for a reason. The other day, while visiting with my friend, the word, "high-strung" was mentioned. Now, I personally don't like the feeling I get with that phrase, high-strung. It has a negative meaning to me. But to her, it meant someone who gets things done...the person to ask if you want to get it done! Hmm? I guess that was okay, having said it like that.
But still....God spoke to me, I have no doubt. There's a reason for what He said and I will take it to heart. It won't be easy, but I do believe it's necessary. I want to become the kind of person that people like to be around, not because I get things done, but because I'm pleasant to be around....at
ease....relaxed....peaceful. I know I can only be those things with God's help because left to my own doing, I would go 9-0 24/7. This weekend, I'm going to enjoy everything. I'm going to sit down and read, not just right before I go to bed, but at other times as well. I'm going to just sit and ponder too. I know that won't be easy, but I'm going to try it. We'll see how this goes. :)
In the meantime, I pray you have a blessed weekend, enjoy the moments in time of "nothingness and peace."
:)
Friday, April 16, 2010
We're Moved!!
The older I get, the harder it gets to move. Did I mention that moving is on my Top-Ten List of all-time things I don't like to do...as NUMBER 1? Ooooohhh! It was hard and it did not help that I had agreed, way in advance, to MC the Downtown Women's Center Spring Luncheon! Talk about lunch....that whole week just about ate my sack lunch. Hmm? I feel I'm repeating myself from a previous post, so let me move on....
So, after bringing over about 20 car loads BEFORE the movers came on Friday, it still took them 10 hours to get everything over here. THAT'S RIDICULOUS! I had cleaned out closets, cabinets~everything! Thankfully, my mother in law, Jerre, helped me clean the old house to spotless, so when my sister, Terri, got here, we could focus on the new house and unpacking boxes. I am so thankful for the help I got along the way.....there really was no way I could have done all that alone. Two really are better than one and it definitely lightens the load and makes the unbearable...bearable.
Terri and I unpacked box after box after box. She stayed on me, or I would have sat down and passed out. She is a "mover and a shaker" when it comes to getting things like this done, so I was so blessed to have her help til Wednesday.
One thing I've noticed, even though we've moved into a little bit bigger house is this....I still have to find the right place for things I use, especially things I use everyday and that has not been easy. It's funny how you live somewhere for four years and don't realize how habitual you are until you move and shake everything up! It feels so odd now getting ready in the morning b/c nothing is where it used to be or where I reach for it. I have to relearn some things and re-memorize where I've placed things...lately, I've had to open at least three cabinets or drawers to find one thing...lol! That kind of reminds me of when I surrendered my life to Jesus, for real, 7 years ago.....things were different on a daily basis. I had to relearn how to think when certain things happened. I had memorize God's Word in order to learn a new mantra that went on in my head 24/7 about who I am now as opposed to who I WAS!
2 Cor. 5:17 Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation; old things have passed away, behold, all things are made new.....
I love that verse. It has become my new mantra. I didn't have it memorized the first time I said it, but over time, with practice, it has become a brand new thought. It has replaced many of the older thoughts.....I needed that desparately to over come my past. God's Word delivers.
Today, most importantly, I realize how blessed I am and I am so thankful...not just to have moved into a beautiful home. That is wonderful...but its so temporal, but to have two wonderful sisters, an amazing husband who understands me, fabulous in-laws whom I adore, a daughter and son in love and a son in law who are wonderful and some friends that have become like family as well.
I'm overwhelmed with gratefulness for the people in my life....life is not meant to be lived alone.
Here's our new address: 7813 Greenbriar Dr. Amarillo, TX 79119
Be so blessed today!! :)
So, after bringing over about 20 car loads BEFORE the movers came on Friday, it still took them 10 hours to get everything over here. THAT'S RIDICULOUS! I had cleaned out closets, cabinets~everything! Thankfully, my mother in law, Jerre, helped me clean the old house to spotless, so when my sister, Terri, got here, we could focus on the new house and unpacking boxes. I am so thankful for the help I got along the way.....there really was no way I could have done all that alone. Two really are better than one and it definitely lightens the load and makes the unbearable...bearable.
Terri and I unpacked box after box after box. She stayed on me, or I would have sat down and passed out. She is a "mover and a shaker" when it comes to getting things like this done, so I was so blessed to have her help til Wednesday.
One thing I've noticed, even though we've moved into a little bit bigger house is this....I still have to find the right place for things I use, especially things I use everyday and that has not been easy. It's funny how you live somewhere for four years and don't realize how habitual you are until you move and shake everything up! It feels so odd now getting ready in the morning b/c nothing is where it used to be or where I reach for it. I have to relearn some things and re-memorize where I've placed things...lately, I've had to open at least three cabinets or drawers to find one thing...lol! That kind of reminds me of when I surrendered my life to Jesus, for real, 7 years ago.....things were different on a daily basis. I had to relearn how to think when certain things happened. I had memorize God's Word in order to learn a new mantra that went on in my head 24/7 about who I am now as opposed to who I WAS!
2 Cor. 5:17 Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation; old things have passed away, behold, all things are made new.....
I love that verse. It has become my new mantra. I didn't have it memorized the first time I said it, but over time, with practice, it has become a brand new thought. It has replaced many of the older thoughts.....I needed that desparately to over come my past. God's Word delivers.
Today, most importantly, I realize how blessed I am and I am so thankful...not just to have moved into a beautiful home. That is wonderful...but its so temporal, but to have two wonderful sisters, an amazing husband who understands me, fabulous in-laws whom I adore, a daughter and son in love and a son in law who are wonderful and some friends that have become like family as well.
I'm overwhelmed with gratefulness for the people in my life....life is not meant to be lived alone.
Here's our new address: 7813 Greenbriar Dr. Amarillo, TX 79119
Be so blessed today!! :)
Wednesday, April 7, 2010
Fresh Anointing
Gary and I are in the middle of a move and it has just about eaten my sack lunch. "Moving" is the #1 thing on my Top-Ten list of what I dislike most! So, you can see where this has eaten my sack lunch. There are others things pulling and tugging at me as well, some good, some not so good. Needless to say, I feel I've been so far away from Jesus and all His goodness. I have felt really "ugly" on the inside the past few weeks and couldn't seem to shake it. You know in the summer time, when there's that one pesky fly that keeps coming back to you? You wave it away, and it's gone for a few seconds, then it's right back in your face? Well, that is how I've felt lately with depression and internal "ugliness"....I just have had no joy despite the fact that we are moving to our "dream" house-the one we'll be in until Bree and Britton pack us up and send us to the nursing home...:) Yet, joy and excitement has been replaced with a heaviness and a lack of zeal.
So, today, I'm praying, but still not feeling any closer to Jesus than I have in the past few weeks, when all of a sudden, I heard Him say, "Put on a garment of praise." Put on a garment of Praise! What a novel idea! I jumped out of bed, and went to the living room where my IPod is and turned it on. The song that started was "Hungry (Falling on my Knees)"...I did just that. The tears started rolling down my cheeks. Finally, some feeling was coming back into my heart. The song says, "I am empty, but I know Your love does not run dry..." I have been so dry lately I thought I was going to blow away with all the wind we've had. Slowly, but surely, Jesus and I reconnected with a song of praise.
The next song that played was "I Am Free!"...my absolute favorite praise song for many reasons! When this song came on, I stood up, started dancing, praising and weeping uncontrollably. Not tears of sadness, but tears of joy, relief, and freedom. I felt like myself again. The heaviness was gone, the joy returned.
I say all of this for one reason: the Word is true and alive today. When God says, "Put on a garment of praise to rid ourselves of heaviness," He is telling us the truth. IT WORKS! PRAISE GOD! Have the most fabulously, blessed day possible friend! :) Isaiah 61:3
So, today, I'm praying, but still not feeling any closer to Jesus than I have in the past few weeks, when all of a sudden, I heard Him say, "Put on a garment of praise." Put on a garment of Praise! What a novel idea! I jumped out of bed, and went to the living room where my IPod is and turned it on. The song that started was "Hungry (Falling on my Knees)"...I did just that. The tears started rolling down my cheeks. Finally, some feeling was coming back into my heart. The song says, "I am empty, but I know Your love does not run dry..." I have been so dry lately I thought I was going to blow away with all the wind we've had. Slowly, but surely, Jesus and I reconnected with a song of praise.
The next song that played was "I Am Free!"...my absolute favorite praise song for many reasons! When this song came on, I stood up, started dancing, praising and weeping uncontrollably. Not tears of sadness, but tears of joy, relief, and freedom. I felt like myself again. The heaviness was gone, the joy returned.
I say all of this for one reason: the Word is true and alive today. When God says, "Put on a garment of praise to rid ourselves of heaviness," He is telling us the truth. IT WORKS! PRAISE GOD! Have the most fabulously, blessed day possible friend! :) Isaiah 61:3
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
