What Am I Holding On To?

Last night, while listening to Beth Moore's study on Revelation....she mentioned something at the very end that was so profound to me.... After falling asleep thinking about it...I woke up thinking about it.

She said, "We either hang on to our First Love or to unforgiveness.  Which do I choose?" Wow!  Have you ever heard a statement that came directly from the Holy Spirit and nailed you the instant you heard it?  I did, last night!  I imagined my hands clutching the unforgiveness I've harbored in my heart for some time now and saw exactly how I COULDN'T be hanging on to Jesus while my hands were full and clenched tightly with unforgiveness!  There's no possible way! 

So, what did I choose?  Well, it didn't take long for me to get on my knees and ask God to forgive ME for holding on to this unforgiveness, justified or not.  In fact, I learned, "justified unforgiveness" is just another tool the enemy uses on us to keep us where he wants us....NOT where God wants us.  So, really, there is no "justified unforgiveness."  I spoke out what/who I needed to forgive and I released it, (yes, like letting a balloon go free), into the air.  Here's the great part, another thing Beth mentioned....it's not like this just goes into the air, floating on a cloud, with no destination....NO!  What I released went right into God's hands!  He grabbed it and HE will avenge it!  He will avenge the wrong I have suffered!  That is great news, friends!  I don't have to worry anymore about making this right, or being justified or anything!  God WILL make it right for me, His child!  I trust Him to do that and now I AM released from the burden of unforgiveness!!  So far, today, that's been the best news I've heard.  I hope it's good news to you as well!

So, go ahead, open your clenched fists and let the unforgiveness go.....right into God's hands.  He will avenge you too.  You no longer have to be consumed with who wronged you or what they did....just let it go. . .AND. . .this in turn has caused me to want to make amends to those I've hurt. . .Hmm?  Isn't God perfect in all His ways?  I think so . . .:)

And the two shall become one. . .

Oh my, not to be so sappy, but I have missed Gary terribly the past few days! He left on Saturday to go to Wyoming for his bow and arrow Elk Hunt for a week! We went up to Wal-mart Saturday to get him some goodies for the long road trip and said our good-byes in the parking lot...romantic, huh? I'm sure the people there at the gas station wished we'd have gotten a room! :)

So he drives off towards I-40 and I drive back to the house. When I walked in, a sadness just came over me. Knowing he'd be gone for several days AND he wouldn't have phone reception after Monday did not give me much to look forward to. So what did I do? I got up off the couch and baked a cake and proceeded to eat it...No! not all of it, but a bite just about every time I went into the kitchen...ya know? I need a lot of stuff in the kitchen, lol!

I did take photos of a family Saturday night and make it out to dinner with a girlfriend, but when I came home that night, again the sadness hit me square in the heart. I slept on Gary's side of the bed just to feel a little closer to him.

Sunday rolls around and I roll out of bed and got as far as the couch. Goodness, I was just worthless for about 48 hours! Is that ridiculous or what? Here's what I chalk it up to...my other half was literally missing and my body was going through shock! Marriage is such a blessing in so many ways! When Gary and I married, we became one, spiritually, emotionally and physically--just as God ordained it to be. When we're apart...especially when we're FAR apart...it feels unbearable at times. I told Gary that when he leaves to go on these week long hunts, which thankfully, aren't very often, I feel "vulnerable." That was the word that came to me when I was trying to put my finger on how it felt when he left. Imagine two bodies connected all the way down and when one is gone...that whole side is left...well, vulnerable...

When Gary and I married, all our problems didn't disappear over night...but we became twice as strong, twice as wise, twice as everything! Every year I'm married to Gary, I see more and more the beautiful picture God had in mind when He said 'the two shall become one.'  I am so grateful for that and so blessed to be Gary's wife.

So, here's a picture of what my hunting husband shot today with his bow . . .Man! I love him!