Before I surrendered my life, back in 2003, I was content to accept whatever came my way...as if ANYTHING was better than nothing. Especially in the area of dating. After a very difficult divorce where my reputation, integrity and any remaining sense of self worth was stripped away, the first person to show any interest in me quickly became the possible "one!"....Oh, how deceived I was. I look back on those times and laugh out loud at myself because I was desperate in some ways, yet wanted to prove my independence in so many other ways.
It wasn't just the divorce that caused me to settle for less than God's best, it was decades of emotional trauma suffered at the hands of well-meaning parents, family members, and acquaintances that have passed through my life in different seasons. I grew up feeling "different" than others...and not in a good way. I thought I was strange, weird, even...so to accept whatever came my way, even if it wasn't something good for me, still seemed better than having nothing come my way at all.
But something drastically changed when I surrendered my life to Jesus in 2003. I CHANGED DRASTICALLY! I became a new person, just like 2 Corinthians 5:17 says, "Anyone who is in Christ is a new creation, the old life has passed away, behold, all things have become new!" So in my newness, my desires changed....especially my desires for a spouse. I no longer wanted the toughest guy to protect me because I now had the best protector of all~Jesus! He is my Rock and my Refuge in times of trouble! I no longer thought I needed someone who made lots of money to provide for me because I now had the Ultimate Provider in Jesus...He supplies ALL my needs according to God's will for my life.
As I found my new Husband in Jesus, during those days of singleness after my divorce, I realized I'd been looking at all the wrong places and people for a spouse. As I delighted myself in Him, He gave me the desires of my heart. Which brings me to this point: He created my heart so He knows the desires of my heart better than I do! I'd much rather Jesus pick my spouse based on the desires He put in my heart, than me pick my spouse based on my fleshly desires!
So, at the request of a counselor, I listed 12 characteristics I desired in my spouse. The first of which was that he have a relationship with Jesus, ALREADY! I didn't have to drag him to church, stuff a Bible in his face or place his hands together to pray...He already did all of that on his own. That was a big deal to me. I knew from experience that I can't change anyone, especially anyone who doesn't want to change at all. I'm not the Holy Spirit...so I needed this person to already have these qualities about him. There were several other qualities I listed...but this first one was most important, (next to loving Shorty almost as much as me.)
When I met Gary Wells, it was God's perfect timing. Had I met him even a month sooner, I might have been too fearful to pursue the idea of dating him. But as God always does...He times everything perfectly. Nothing was forced between us. We continued to pursue each other at the same pace and it was peaceful at every turn. There were a few bumps in the road as we dealt with issues we'd never dealt with before, but we got through them together....supporting each other and never at odds with each other.
And despite all the horrid details of my past that I had to reveal to Gary before we got engaged, He never condemned me and never throws my past up in my face-EVER. He continues to be my earthly redeemer....much as Jesus is our Heavenly Redeemer. Our marriage is not perfect by any means, but we are on the same team all the time. I don't want to hurt him and he doesn't want to hurt me....so we don't.
God created marriage from the beginning. He knows how it's supposed to work. Seek Him about marriage no matter where you are in the process: single, divorced, engaged, or married....He is the Great Teacher on marriage. Done the way it was created to be, it's the most beautiful gift between two people on Earth. :)
Tuesday, June 15, 2010
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