Well, I'm back for day two. I must say, this blogging thing has been on my mind today. I thought about this blog and what I wanted to say tonight and many thoughts crossed my mind. Blogging is interesting. It's quite a vulnerable thing. Then again, it also seems like I'm writing a letter to myself, for all the world to see. In another way, it seems like my "baby" (for lack of a better word.) I created this thing and must attend to it to keep it alive. I have two step-children, but I don't have biological children of my own, yet, I do have Shorty-my miniature dachshund-who, by the way, will celebrate her 12th birthday tomorrow!! I can't believe she's going to be 12 years old! More about her tomorrow, I think.
So, an update on The Desk...went tothe paint store today-Porter Paints on Paramount....(little plug there for my friends at Porter.) I picked out the greatest shade of red to paint my beautiful desk-in-progress. The shade of red I picked is called, "Blaze." Isn't that a cool name for the color red? I just loved it. Anyway, I put a coat of it on late this afternoon. As I'm rolling the thick, oil-based paint on my soon-to-be-fabulous transformed desk, some thoughts occurred to me...I bet you're not surprised :)
I thought about the color-red. Red is my favorite color. It hasn't always been my favorite, but for at least the past five years, it has. My first Harley, an 880 Sportster, was bright red and I called it "Sugar." Long story, but that was my bike's name. I love red clothes. My car is red and I bought it because of it's color and because Toyota makes a good car. My Vespa Scooter is red. And now, The Desk gets its first coat of red.
The color red represents "Life" to me. One very important reason I love the color red is because it also represents the color of Jesus' Blood. The very Blood that was shed for me to cleanse me and wash away ALL my sins. If it weren't for His Blood, I would be at the bottom of a pit, wallowing around in my own junk--drowning, shrinking, dying.
It's very difficult for me to watch the movie, The Passion, but I've seen it three times thus far. When I see Jesus' body covered in blood, from His head to his toes, it puts everything into perspective. I want to live a life that is worthy of His sacrifice. I tried to do that by "doing" and "doing" until I just wore myself out. I became frustrated with myself and my lousy attempts to "do" something. Anything of worth. It wasn't until this past January (2009), that I became free from all that "doing" and learned it's not in the doing, but in the being. I was so self-conscience and worried about what other people thought of me, if they approved of me. If I could do enough for them, maybe they would approve of me, and on and on. You get the jest...Goodness, I was never going to measure up. There will always be someone who wants something different than you can offer or wants more than you can give. If I continued to base my worth on the opinions of others, I was going to be short-handed at the end of every day. I wanted free from that stuff-free to be me. (I realize that sounds cliche`...."free to be me"....but that is really all I wanted.
So, I enlisted the Spiritual guidance from my dear friend Paula, New Walk Ministries, and together, we walked through some very painful memories and hurts that began as early as seven years old for me. I didn't realize I had been walking around as an adult, but functioning from this little seven year old's wounded heart. Not good. Not a good place to make decisions from. When I went to Paula with this wound wide open, I told her, "It feels like I'm going into surgery with no anesthesia!" I was most afraid. But the Lord gave her this word...."Dawn, you've already been through the surgery (the hard part)...you are now in the Recovery room-its all behind you." But I asked, "why all these tears? I've been crying now for four days straight---what is that all about?" The Lord whispered in my heart, "those tears have been necessary to moisten the "ground" around your heart, so this weed with its very deep roots can be pulled out easily---and to the very root." I got that. I got relief. I got freedom.
So, The Desk has it's first coat of red. It's looking good, but it's not there yet. Neither am I, but I'm much further than where I was.
So, an update on The Desk...went tothe paint store today-Porter Paints on Paramount....(little plug there for my friends at Porter.) I picked out the greatest shade of red to paint my beautiful desk-in-progress. The shade of red I picked is called, "Blaze." Isn't that a cool name for the color red? I just loved it. Anyway, I put a coat of it on late this afternoon. As I'm rolling the thick, oil-based paint on my soon-to-be-fabulous transformed desk, some thoughts occurred to me...I bet you're not surprised :)
I thought about the color-red. Red is my favorite color. It hasn't always been my favorite, but for at least the past five years, it has. My first Harley, an 880 Sportster, was bright red and I called it "Sugar." Long story, but that was my bike's name. I love red clothes. My car is red and I bought it because of it's color and because Toyota makes a good car. My Vespa Scooter is red. And now, The Desk gets its first coat of red.
The color red represents "Life" to me. One very important reason I love the color red is because it also represents the color of Jesus' Blood. The very Blood that was shed for me to cleanse me and wash away ALL my sins. If it weren't for His Blood, I would be at the bottom of a pit, wallowing around in my own junk--drowning, shrinking, dying.
It's very difficult for me to watch the movie, The Passion, but I've seen it three times thus far. When I see Jesus' body covered in blood, from His head to his toes, it puts everything into perspective. I want to live a life that is worthy of His sacrifice. I tried to do that by "doing" and "doing" until I just wore myself out. I became frustrated with myself and my lousy attempts to "do" something. Anything of worth. It wasn't until this past January (2009), that I became free from all that "doing" and learned it's not in the doing, but in the being. I was so self-conscience and worried about what other people thought of me, if they approved of me. If I could do enough for them, maybe they would approve of me, and on and on. You get the jest...Goodness, I was never going to measure up. There will always be someone who wants something different than you can offer or wants more than you can give. If I continued to base my worth on the opinions of others, I was going to be short-handed at the end of every day. I wanted free from that stuff-free to be me. (I realize that sounds cliche`...."free to be me"....but that is really all I wanted.
So, I enlisted the Spiritual guidance from my dear friend Paula, New Walk Ministries, and together, we walked through some very painful memories and hurts that began as early as seven years old for me. I didn't realize I had been walking around as an adult, but functioning from this little seven year old's wounded heart. Not good. Not a good place to make decisions from. When I went to Paula with this wound wide open, I told her, "It feels like I'm going into surgery with no anesthesia!" I was most afraid. But the Lord gave her this word...."Dawn, you've already been through the surgery (the hard part)...you are now in the Recovery room-its all behind you." But I asked, "why all these tears? I've been crying now for four days straight---what is that all about?" The Lord whispered in my heart, "those tears have been necessary to moisten the "ground" around your heart, so this weed with its very deep roots can be pulled out easily---and to the very root." I got that. I got relief. I got freedom.
So, The Desk has it's first coat of red. It's looking good, but it's not there yet. Neither am I, but I'm much further than where I was.
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