My "Happily-Ever-After" Husband

Greetings!

What a fabulous weekend it's been. Beth Moore on Friday night and Saturday morning was fabulous! Meat and potatoes for the Spirit. Love her words.

Now, about my fabulous husband, Gary. Where do I begin? It's a fairy-tale story to me with all the trimmings. I met Gary while volunteering for a golf tournament on April 25, 2005-one day before my 40th birthday. I had been divorced three years and had been searching to know Jesus in a new, intimate way. I felt I had accomplished that, yet, I still longed for the "happily-ever-after." As for many women, that might be our deepest longing. I felt I had healed many areas of my life that had caused me to make wrong choices in men. The most substantial wound being the death of my dad when I was 15 years old. Just beginning to date and yearning to be found desirable by guys-BAM! Out of the blue, Dad has a heart attack and dies instantly. At the time, he was married to my step-mother, Peggy. He and my mom had been divorced for the past three years and I stayed with my dad because Mom couldn't take care of my older sisters and me-not with her drinking problem. Plus, she just couldn't afford to take care of us and Dad could. I had many issues with my mom leaving us, which I just got healing for this past January.

Anyway, long story short-the loss of my dad left a huge hole in my heart; a huge void in the depths of my soul. This wound caused me to search and search for the love of a man, but I never picked the right one. I seemed to search for one that was most like Dad--in an effort to fill that void. Hence, my first marriage and divorce.

Now, by 2005 and much searching and healing, I had made a list of what I was looking for in a spouse. On the list: 1)He loves the Lord, (already), meaning he already has a relationship with Jesus...he is committed to growing that relationship. He reads the Bible, attends church and prays, on his own. 2)I'm attracted to him-there is chemistry between us. Yet, he also desires to remain pure before marriage. 3)He's funny, quick-witted, loves to laugh-not too serious-not a workaholic, adventurous- and not a "show-boat" kind of guy. 4) He sees me and pursues me-he's a leader in life and in this relationship. Confident. 5) He is secure, but not arrogant. He's not a jealous type-but can show concern, and affection. He CAN communicate. The above attributes were absolute MUST HAVES. Then, below that list, I wrote: I hope he: likes to do projects around the house w/me. Can and likes to 2-step and jitterbug dance. Not a drinker or smoker (I don't really care if he drank a beer, but does he have to?) Enjoys hanging out with my friends. Enjoys going out to eat, fine dining and desserts, theater, riding rides (roller coasters, etc.), dressing up for events.

LOVES SHORTY ALMOST AS MUCH AS ME, can relax and sit still sometimes, enjoys NASCAR, enjoys working out, but not obsessive about it, would be willing (as a married couple someday) to teach Bible Study. People know and respect him. He doesn't have a reputation that precedes him, i.e. bar room fighter, drinker, liar, not trustworthy-Rather, they say, "Oh, what a nice guy- good guy." He has a respectable job and is respected at his job.

So, all the above is taken word for word from my journal entry on April 23, 2005. Amazing, huh? We meet on April 25, 2005. I've never made a list like that before-ever. The day of the golf tournament, Karen Saunders and I were asked to keep score for a team that didn't have a score keeper. This was after all the teams teed off the first hole. The "Happy State Bank" team called in and said they needed a score keeper. Karen and I were just standing around after registering teams and getting everyone where they needed to be. We were asked if we could score the Happy State Bank team and we said, "yes." Ahhh...the rest is history! 18 holes later, and a minuscule amount of flirting...I wanted to know Gary better. After the tournament ended and all the teams were in the clubhouse, warming up and drying off after an unseasonably cold, wet and windy day-I found myself standing there next to Gary talking about his late wife, Jatawn. She had battled breast cancer for 12 years. My mom battled breast cancer for 4 years. Neither woman won the battle. We had something in common, if even a sad "something."

I steadied my hand on Gary's left shoulder to remove some of the outer rain gear I had accumulated throughout the day from his teammates. When I did this, a fleeting thought crossed my mind, "this might seem too forward to put my hand on his shoulder..." I did it anyway. He seemed to get nervous and within seconds, he was saying his "goodbyes" and walking out the door. Oh my, did I regret that last move. My first thought was, "I may never see him again...he didn't get my number or anything..." I truly second-guessed everything upon returning home that night. I couldn't stop thinking about every thing, every word, every look that happened throughout that day. It was a magical day to me, despite the chilling weather, just because I met Gary. But had I made a mistake by putting my hand on his shoulder to steady myself? I tormented myself for the next several days over that one move.

As women always do, Karen and I analyzed everything we could remember from our interactions with Gary that day. We both recalled when he jumped onto our cart in between shots to avoid the wind--he said, "Thank You, Lord--the rain has stopped." Karen and I both looked at each other with a hopeful assumption: He must be a Christian, he said, "Thank You, Lord!" We were silly, indeed.

Thankfully, she had taken pictures of their team and suggested I give him a call and ask if he'd like a copy of them. By Friday, I mustered up enough courage to call his office and leave him a message. (Thank goodness he didn't actually answer! I might have gasped for air and choked!)

That's all I'm going to write about tonight in regards to Gary and me. It's a great story and it just gets better and better, but its longer than one blog post. So, you'll have to come back for more later.

Side note: I took Gary to see Julie and Julia today. His first, my second time to see it. This is the movie that inspired me to start a blog in the first place. My next inspired move is to cook Julia Child's Beef Bourguignon for the very first time! I'm so excited to try this recipe. I've never cooked anything "French" before, so we'll see how it turns out. If I really like it and Gary likes it as well, I may buy her cookbook: Mastering the Art of French Cooking. This was such a great movie and I recommend everyone to see it!

More about the desk later too! :)

Happy Birthday, Shorty!

Yes, today is Shorty Danielle's 12th birthday! I can't believe it. Shorty, to me, is the most precious miniature dachshund born on this earth---just my personal opinion. I probably feel about her the way most mother's feel about the children they carried in their womb. I've often said that my relationship with her is "not normal"...but who can define "normal" anyway? I consider my "weirdness" just a dynamic form of "unique." That sounds much better, doesn't it?

Children?...I didn't have any. Lots of people ask me if I wish I had. It's not some deep rooted longing I have had that's gone unmet, but I must say, it has crossed my mind several times: what she might look like, (I envisioned having a little girl and naming her Ava Danielle.) "Ava" is my mom's name and I always thought it sounded glamorous.) I have envisioned this little girl with long, light brown hair with loose curls. I would dress her up in cute little outfits...Hmm? I guess I have put some thought to that...

However, it was not in the plan for my life and that's okay. I have no complaints. No human little girl named Ava Danielle, but a canine little girl named Shorty Danielle. (She got the Danielle since ....well you get the picture.)

I have to say this about Shorty--during the most awful, depressing times of my life, she was an Angel, sent from Heaven. There is so much truth in the saying, "A dog is (wo)man's best friend." I don't know what I would have done without her during the time of my divorce. That might possibly have been the hardest thing I've lived through and she was there, loving me unconditionally, day after day. Twelve years with someone is a long time. Needless to say, I love her dearly and today I celebrate her life with you.

Update on the desk: I put another coat of RED on today. I've learned a few things during the course of this project. First, when painting something red, it's best to use a grey primer instead of white. Most of you probably already know that. Second, it's also best to invest in a really good brush for the tight places. I used the inexpensive sponge brush and I now know why it's so inexpensive. I know what you're thinking: "You get what you pay for..." Got it!

Jesus paid an enormous amount for me. (He must have known something I didn't...) I want to be the best I can be for Him. I desire to give Him my best. That looks differently for everyone, I've learned. Beth Moore once said, "what God is working out in you-He can only work out in you. It's not something He can do for me." That reminds me of Revelation Knowledge....God might give me a revelation about something and I'm amazed by it and freed by it. Yet, I can't possibly just tell someone this "revelation" and they get the same thing from it. That's the whole point...God gave me the revelation...He gives someone else a different revelation. It took me a little time to "get that." I would get so excited about a revelation and want to share it with everyone, hoping it would give them the same freedom it gave me---uh, nope; doesn't work that way. So, we all have to search for our own "revelations" from God.

Speaking of Beth Moore, I'm going to a simulcast of hers tonight at Hillside Christian Church. If you've never had the privelage to be acquainted with her Bible studies or a simulcast---I hope someday you will. I believe it's impossible to listen to her and NOT learn something! She is awesome and can dissect a Bible verse and cause it to come to life right there before your eyes and ears! I'm looking so forward to this evening and tomorrow morning.

It's Friday and the weekends are the best time for me because I get to see my fabulous husband, Gary more than any other time during the week. I can't wait to tell you all about him.

Attention all single women: I met my fabulous husband while volunteering at a golf tournament, one day before I turned 40--HE was worth the wait. There is hope! :)

The Color Red

Well, I'm back for day two. I must say, this blogging thing has been on my mind today. I thought about this blog and what I wanted to say tonight and many thoughts crossed my mind. Blogging is interesting. It's quite a vulnerable thing. Then again, it also seems like I'm writing a letter to myself, for all the world to see. In another way, it seems like my "baby" (for lack of a better word.) I created this thing and must attend to it to keep it alive. I have two step-children, but I don't have biological children of my own, yet, I do have Shorty-my miniature dachshund-who, by the way, will celebrate her 12th birthday tomorrow!! I can't believe she's going to be 12 years old! More about her tomorrow, I think.

So, an update on The Desk...went tothe paint store today-Porter Paints on Paramount....(little plug there for my friends at Porter.) I picked out the greatest shade of red to paint my beautiful desk-in-progress. The shade of red I picked is called, "Blaze." Isn't that a cool name for the color red? I just loved it. Anyway, I put a coat of it on late this afternoon. As I'm rolling the thick, oil-based paint on my soon-to-be-fabulous transformed desk, some thoughts occurred to me...I bet you're not surprised :)

I thought about the color-red. Red is my favorite color. It hasn't always been my favorite, but for at least the past five years, it has. My first Harley, an 880 Sportster, was bright red and I called it "Sugar." Long story, but that was my bike's name. I love red clothes. My car is red and I bought it because of it's color and because Toyota makes a good car. My Vespa Scooter is red. And now, The Desk gets its first coat of red.

The color red represents "Life" to me. One very important reason I love the color red is because it also represents the color of Jesus' Blood. The very Blood that was shed for me to cleanse me and wash away ALL my sins. If it weren't for His Blood, I would be at the bottom of a pit, wallowing around in my own junk--drowning, shrinking, dying.

It's very difficult for me to watch the movie, The Passion, but I've seen it three times thus far. When I see Jesus' body covered in blood, from His head to his toes, it puts everything into perspective. I want to live a life that is worthy of His sacrifice. I tried to do that by "doing" and "doing" until I just wore myself out. I became frustrated with myself and my lousy attempts to "do" something. Anything of worth. It wasn't until this past January (2009), that I became free from all that "doing" and learned it's not in the doing, but in the being. I was so self-conscience and worried about what other people thought of me, if they approved of me. If I could do enough for them, maybe they would approve of me, and on and on. You get the jest...Goodness, I was never going to measure up. There will always be someone who wants something different than you can offer or wants more than you can give. If I continued to base my worth on the opinions of others, I was going to be short-handed at the end of every day. I wanted free from that stuff-free to be me. (I realize that sounds cliche`...."free to be me"....but that is really all I wanted.

So, I enlisted the Spiritual guidance from my dear friend Paula, New Walk Ministries, and together, we walked through some very painful memories and hurts that began as early as seven years old for me. I didn't realize I had been walking around as an adult, but functioning from this little seven year old's wounded heart. Not good. Not a good place to make decisions from. When I went to Paula with this wound wide open, I told her, "It feels like I'm going into surgery with no anesthesia!" I was most afraid. But the Lord gave her this word...."Dawn, you've already been through the surgery (the hard part)...you are now in the Recovery room-its all behind you." But I asked, "why all these tears? I've been crying now for four days straight---what is that all about?" The Lord whispered in my heart, "those tears have been necessary to moisten the "ground" around your heart, so this weed with its very deep roots can be pulled out easily---and to the very root." I got that. I got relief. I got freedom.

So, The Desk has it's first coat of red. It's looking good, but it's not there yet. Neither am I, but I'm much further than where I was.

Transformed and made new. . .

I just finished putting a coat of primer on my $50 desk that I'm "transforming." I had the opportunity to buy a $300 beautiful desk, trimmed with rich leather and brand new, but it didn't seem "fitting" for me. No, I much prefer the older, used and not so attractive $50 desk. It was a blank canvas to me. Made out of MDF board, covered with a cheap veneer-I couldn't wait to begin the "transformation" process! So, I started sanding the old thing last night and finished up today. I put one coat of enamel based primer on it and it will soon be ready for the deep, red paint I have envisioned for it. Oh, I have big plans for this old desk. Although, not a pretty sight when I bought it and definitely not "valuable" to most-this desk will be priceless to me when I'm finished with it.

It occurred to me today as I stood up after stroking the last place with primer on the desk, that this desk represents me in many ways . .

I was of no use to anyone not too many years ago. Six to be exact. I was used, worn, damaged, full of sin and definitely not valuable to myself and most others-except for One. The One and Only. He saw value in me despite my worn, outer appearance and seemingly useless life. He saw something in me, much like I saw in this old, cheap desk--its TRANSFORMATION.

When I think about that beautiful, $300, brand new desk, it reminds me of the Pharisees mentioned so often in the New Testament. From my reading recollection, they surely looked good on the outside, but weren't all that "functional" for meeting the needs of others. That's similar to that beautiful, new desk. It had long, stately legs, trimmed in leather. (However, it was so tall, that an ordinary chair would've been too short to use with it.) It had a slender silhouette, all trimmed in rich, luxurious leather. (But, the top of the desk was so narrow, it didn't provide much work space.)

Hmm? I wonder. . .can we as Christians appear so beautiful and pristine on the outside, yet be so useless to those who need us?

Although, "saved" at age eleven at church camp, I no more had a relationship with Jesus Christ than any non-believer I passed by. I might be a little harsh on myself. I did pray when I needed something. But this was definitely a one-way relationship. I didn't ever ask Jesus what I might be able to do for Him---just what could He do for me.

So, I must close for now to clean up the patio where my freshly primed desk sits drying so nicely. I plan to continue writing about this desk and the parallels to my life for quite some time. This is truly for my own pleasure to put into "type" what I've desired to do for three years-write and finish a book on the transformation process that Jesus did in my life. This blog just might help me get there. :)