Birthday Month Recap. . .

Well, another birthday month has come and gone.  I had the great pleasure last night of having a birthday dinner with my dear friend, Karen Saunders, at Outback, with my favorite appetizer of theirs: Macaroni and Cheese!  In case you didn't know, they make the BEST mac & cheese.

 I explained to Karen why I think I love my birthday so much.  After writing in my journal to God, these thoughts came to mind:  "Every year, I enjoy my birthday more and more.  I just love that day of specialness; knowing You (God) created me on that day for a very special purpose."  Shouldn't we all love that day?  We are made in God's image, to complete some part of His purpose here on Earth.  Wow!  That's extremely special, indeed!

Having declared the year 2013 as the year to fast fear, I faced my fear of cutting my hair short, (very short!)  Years and years of fear, overcome by one day of courage...a whole lot of courage!!!

Karen gave me the most interesting book for my birthday.  Ever Wonder is the title of this thought-provoking book.  Each page has a different question or statement to ponder. Here's the question I attach to overcoming the fear of cutting my hair off: "Why be afraid of something you want?"  let me type that again, Why be afraid of something you want? Simple question; complex answer, huh? I don't know about you, but I have found myself afraid of things I really wanted!  How ridiculous is that?

For years, I've looked at hairstyle magazines and my eye was always drawn towards the short hairstyles....yet, I feared cutting my hair, but I wanted short hair!  It makes no sense, does it?  Granted, I am only talking about something minor in life, such as hair...I've been guilty of fearing more important things I've wanted, such as, intimacy with God or even certain people in my life.

Why do we fear what we want?  That is a question that causes me to think about past behavior, thoughts, actions, etc...all rooted in fear, even though the fear is keeping me from something I really want!  If that is not an indication of how the enemy deceives us, I don't know what it is.

So, here's to another fear blasted away in 2013!!!  I like having short hair.  For me, it is quite freeing.  I think for years I've been a short haired woman trapped in a long-haired girl's body!  Finally, some freedom from the bondage of long hair!!  I look in the mirror and now have the hairstyle I've looked at in magazines for YEARS!  Literally, years (just ask Gary!)  Poor guy, he's had to listen to me talk about wanting short hair the entire time we've been married.....almost 7 years!!!

So. . .I have to ask you. . .Is there something you fear that you really want?  Maybe its time to face that question and move past the fear....what awaits on the other side could be the freedom you long for! :)

They are confident and fearless 

and can face their foes triumphantly.

Psalm 112:8 NLT

Transformed-Made New-Set Free. . .

While working with a woman from North Carolina on developing a message, she asked me to come up with a "tagline"....basically stating what my message is all about.  The tagline needs to be succinct, catchy and easily remembered.  After listing 15 or so different possibilities, I landed on this:

TRANSFORMED - MADE NEW - SET FREE

I base my tagline on my absolute favorite scripture:

2 Corinthians 5:17

"Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation; 

old things have passed away, 

behold all things are made new!" 

 I recite this verse in my head many times when I'm tempted to doubt, fear, feel inadequate or any other negative reaction I might have to life.  This verse is a banner I fly over me when the enemy comes knocking, sometimes, banging my door down to hurt me, tempt me or just flat out lie to me!

As the Lord gives me opportunities to speak to women, I find one thing in common...we women, as Christians, are struggling with some pretty heavy stuff.  It saddens me to hear some of the burdens women are carrying around, heavy laden with grief, fear, anger, sadness, loneliness, unforgiveness, and the list goes on and on.  It makes me so angry with the enemy I could just spit!! (On him, of course.)

We are brand new in Christ.  All of the "old stuff" has passed away because the Spirit of Jesus lives
inside of us!  I love that good news.  It is the absolute truth as well!

The next time you feel the weight of the world on your shoulders, or you're tempted with the things of old, remember the verse:

Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation; 

old things have passed away, 

behold all things are made new!

Erwin and Othelia Cartrite

It's amazing to me that the last post on my blog was about Sunray and now, three months later, here I am posting about two amazing people from Sunray...ironic.

Yesterday, I attended the most beautiful Celebration of Life Service for two of the most beautiful servants of Jesus: Erwin and Othelia Cartrite from Sunray, my hometown.  They had been married for 62 years and were married in the Sunray Baptist Church....the very church that we celebrated their lives in yesterday.  Two people who lived their entire lives loving each other, their daughters and family and the community of Sunray.  I was blessed to receive their special love as well.

Their youngest daughter, Celesta "Red", and I were the same age.  We began Kindergarten together and graduated together.  While growing up in my dysfunctional home, I found their functional home as a sweet safe haven.  Erwin and Othelia would pick me up for church on Sunday mornings many days and I spent many nights at their house as well.  Despite all their unconditional love and acceptance, I still ventured away from Jesus during my adult life as I rebelled and acted out my anger from life's circumstances.

Many years went by where I didn't come to Sunray much because of the sad memories left in my heart.  But anytime I saw Erwin and Othelia, it was as if no time had passed at all.  Erwin still cut up with me, joked around and Othelia still loved on me just as a mother would.

In August of last year, I had a book signing at Hastings here in Amarillo one Saturday afternoon. Lo and behold who do I see standing before me?  Erwin Cartrite!!!  He was by himself that day, which was very unusual since he and Othelia went just about everywhere together.  He drove to Amarillo that day just to come see me and buy a few of my books.  I couldn't believe it!  I'm not even sure how he found out I was having a book signing that day.  But it didn't matter, I was so delighted to see him.  We visited and joked around as was common with Erwin and he bought several copies of my book that day.  He had some specific people he wanted to give one to.  My heart was delighted to see him.

A month or so later, I was asked to speak in Sunray at the Baptist Church for the Women's Fall Kick-off banquet in October.  Wow, what an honor to be asked to speak at this event.  I felt I was finally ready to return to the town where it all started for me, give my testimony of hope and love on the women of that sweet church.  As the day approached, my heart became more and more excited to go "home" with hope in my heart instead of sad memories.  (See previous post "Coming Full Circle")

Sheryl Cartrite Winegarner and her sweet Mom, Othelia were my biggest fans in the audience.  What an absolute delight to see them that night and love on them and also receive their love as well.  There's a reason Sheryl got the nick name "Mama Sheryl"....she has the kind of love for others that only a mother has....and her love never runs out.  Hmm? I wonder where she got that?? :)

That night, Sheryl and I said we should get together sometime at her parent's house....have lunch and a red velvet cake! (Othelia is quite famous for her red velvet cake....one of my favorites)....We didn't set a date, but it sure sounded like a great idea!

Weeks went by and we decided on December 3rd....Gary was going to be out of town and I could drive to Sunray and spend the afternoon with Sheryl and her parents.  We'd eat a great lunch because they are such great cooks!  So, we did it.  Sheryl's husband, Coach Winegarner, came as well, which was another surprise!  I hadn't seen him in many years!  Coach was one of my favorite coaches from high school and a sure blast from the past as well!  We had enchilada casserole that was out of this world that Sheryl made and red velvet cake as well!  Delicious!!! 

After lunch, we sat around in the living room of Erwin and Othelia's house, where I'd sat many a time before, and we visited and visited and visited about everything and anything!  Mrs. Rogers, my 8th grade English teacher joined us as well and we laughed out loud til our sides were hurting!

As I was getting ready to return to Amarillo, now about 6:00 in the evening, we decided we needed to take some pictures and oh, am I glad we did!  Erwin was trying to use my phone to take pictures of Coach, Sheryl and me, but kept putting the phone down right after he snapped the picture, so we kept coming up short.....lol! 

We laughed so hard out there on the driveway at Erwin's photography abilities I thought I might pee in my pants!!  He was absolutely hilarious!  We finally got some pics and I got on my way home to Amarillo with a smile as wide as the Grand Canyon across my face!  What a day!  Yes, what a day it was to remember.

 Just a few weeks later, Othelia was diagnosed with brain cancer and the prognosis wasn't good.  I couldn't believe it.  In early January, she was admitted to BSA for dehydration and I went up to see her.  Celesta was in town from Minneapolis and I hadn't seen her in such a long time.  It was so good to catch up with her, yet, I knew her heart was breaking for her mom.  Erwin was still his ornery self and kept us all in stitches!  Every person that walked through Othelia's door got met with this: "Did you know she wrote a book?"  Erwin was my biggest fan and promoter of the book, to the point I turned red when he said it over and over!  Deep down, I was delighted that he was proud of me.  It felt good to have him so proud.

Othelia got released to a rehab in Dumas and later went on home.  Not long after she got home, Celesta sent me a text that said her mom had regressed and seemed ready to let go.  It was all happening so fast, I was in disbelief!  In the meantime, Erwin had a minor prostate surgery scheduled for the 21st.  Now this is a man who never drank a drop of alcohol nor touched tobacco in his entire life!  (oh how I wish I could say that as well.) 

After the surgery, Erwin's blood pressure dropped drastically and he suffered a massive heart attack.  The doctors and nurses worked desperately to save him, but the damage was too extensive.  In a second, Erwin was gone from this earth.  What?  What just happened here?  That was a Tuesday morning.  Meanwhile, Othelia is barely hanging on for her life and two days later, she passes and is now in the arms of Jesus and Erwin once again.  Bittersweet, huh?  62 years together on earth.  Eternity in Heaven.  A love story like no other.

But wait, there's more!  Celesta's husband, Scott, had never given his life to Jesus.  This worried Othelia as she talked about her concerns when I was at her house in December.  This was a burden on her heart and had become a burden on my heart as well.  Yet, God in all His splendor and glory made all things good for those who love the Lord!  The night before Erwin and Othelia's celebration of life service, Scott gave his life to the Lord and accepted Jesus as his Savior!!!

In God's world, ALL things work together for good!  ALL THINGS!  Sure, we are sad to lose Erwin and Othelia from this physical world...but it's just a small window of time compared to our eternal lives we'll spend with them and Jesus....but it is all worth it to have ONE life saved from hell and condemnation!  As believers, THAT is what it's all about!  Sharing the Good News of Jesus with those who are lost so they can spend eternity in Heaven!!!  Erwin and Othelia are dancing with the angels and celebrating the new life of their son-in-law Scott!  I bet they wouldn't have it any other way than how it all worked out this week.  I certainly wouldn't either.

"God our Savior. . .wants all men to be saved and to come to a knowledge of the truth."

I Timothy 2:3-4

Coming Full Circle

On October 11, 2012, I have the honor and privilege of speaking at the First Baptist Church in Sunray, Texas.  Now, to some big city folks, that might not seem like such a great honor, but for me, it is.  You see, that is the small town I grew up in.  The town where I thought everything in life happened and if I went out of town, I might miss something!  Yes, that is true!

I'm reading through my book again and am reminded that for many years, I held such bad memories in my heart of Sunray.  My parents divorced, my dad died, my family dismantled in a horrible way, my mom died....you get the picture.  These events scarred me for years and I carried wounds so deeply in my soul, I didn't even know they still existed until I began writing my book.

So after five long years of writing and healing, soon I will be standing in the very church I attended with my friends, the Cartrite's.  Oh, how they tried to help me, direct me, teach me as a young girl to come to Jesus.  I never got it at that young age, but I'll never forget their love for me. 

I am looking so forward to this time at home with my friends of long ago.  I'm thrilled to tell my testimony to those who loved me and wanted the best for me.  I took the long way around the mountain, but God has done an amazing work in my heart with His love, grace and mercy and I am here to tell the story!  There is victory to be celebrated!!  Thank You, Lord!

They overcame him by the blood of the Lamb and the word of their testimony; 

they did not love their lives so much as to shrink from death.

Revelation 12:11

A Change of Heart

"No, a true Jew is one whose heart is right with God.  And true circumcision is not merely obeying the letter of the law; rather, it is a change of heart produced by God's Spirit.  And a person with a changed heart seeks praise from God, not from people." ~ Romans 2:29 NLT

One of my favorite quote is:  "You cannot hide a changed heart."  I love that.  It's true, you know?  Have you ever run across someone you haven't seen in years and they are completely different than what you remember? (In a good way?)  What happened, you wonder?  Somewhere along their journey, they must have had a 'change of heart.'

God did a real number on my heart several years ago, once I allowed Him access.  For so many years, I kept God at arm's length because I honestly didn't want to go through the pain of a changed heart.  But then, the pain I was in became more than the pain of changing my heart.  I got on my knees and cried out to God, "Change Me!!!"  I didn't ask God to change anyone else but me. I no longer blamed others, but finally decided it was time I prayed that God change me, instead of everyone else.

You know what happened after that?  Nothing short of a total transformation in my life-seriously!  I began to focus on what was out of whack with me, instead of everyone else and that's when my life changed tremendously!  My only regret is that I didn't do that sooner.

So, is there something keeping you from a 'change of heart?'  Fear?  Stubbornness? Pride?  Whatever it is, dump it and ask God to sincerely change YOUR heart.  He will gladly come to your rescue and answer that prayer...in fact, I sometimes wonder if that is not God's favorite prayer from His children:

"God, will You change my heart to be more like Yours?"

Dog Birthdays in Heaven?

Jesus and Shorty

Today would be Shorty's 15th birthday and I'm wondering how dogs celebrate in Heaven. . .?  I can imagine Shorty running through the grass, playing with the other dogs, and Itty (my cat).  It's been almost 3 weeks since Shorty went to be with the Lord.  The first three days after Shorty's passing were absolutely grueling.  There were many times I didn't think the pain would let up and the heaviness was almost unbearable occasionally.

Then, on the fourth day, God whispered to my Spirit, "Dawn, I gave Shorty to you for a season in your life to fulfill a purpose.  Shorty was wonderful for you during that season and many times, was like an Angel that helped you through some dark days, all the while, bringing you joy every time you walked in your house and she ran to meet you.  Shorty fulfilled her purpose in your life and for that season and now it's time for her to come on home.  That is why I've now given you Sugar.  She will fulfill a different purpose in your life and in this new season."

Sugar and Me

It was those words from God that finally brought some much needed peace to my aching heart.  God knew I needed a "cross-over" dachshund if the time ever came to put Shorty to sleep.  Honestly, I couldn't imagine NOT having a dachshund in my life-ever!  God also knew that I didn't need a puppy to have to train, but I needed a loving dachshund who would sit on my lap for hours; who would be happy to visit my aunts without barking or nervousness; who could travel easily with me if I needed to sneak her into a hotel; a dog who fell in love with me as quickly as I fell in love with her....and many more attributes that go unsaid...but understood.  God knew what I needed even before I asked.

It's crazy to think that He just put Sugar in my path one day, but He did.  I know why and so does He.  My tears today are for joy to celebrate all the wonderful years I had with Shorty Danielle and the wonderful gift God gave me in Sugar Britches.  I am so grateful.  I look at Sugar and see how GOOD God is to me...His mercy triumphs everything.  For all you pet lovers who have lost a loved one, my heart goes out to you as well.  It's difficult to understand the remarkable bond between pet and human...but it is undeniably sometimes thicker than skin, huh?

"The Lord is good to those whose hope is in Him, to the one who seeks Him."

Lamentations 3:25

Life without Shorty

Today ended an almost 15 year relationship between Shorty Danielle, my beloved dachshund dog/child and me.  Our relationship was never "normal", but undeniably, she was a part of me and I of her.  I've never loved a dog like I loved her.  She was without doubt, an Angel sent by God to be with me for almost 15 years.  A constant companion through thick and thin.

Making the decision to put Shorty to sleep has been one of the most difficult decisions I've made in a LONG time. (Don't let the smile fool ya, there's a heart broken into a million pieces underneath it.) Her mental capacity had diminished so drastically in the past few months, I could no longer deny her age and the progression of her dementia.  Denial is such a protective sheath until one day, it's yanked away and you can no longer deny what is right in front of you.

Shorty and Me 8-9-12

When I look back over the past year, I can see when the decline started.  I think the move in April 2010 over to Greenbriar was more difficult for her older mind than I ever dreamed.  She was 13 when we moved and dogs over 7 are considered geriatric.  When their environments change dramatically, it can cause the dementia to escalate.  I see now when the decline started.  Then when we moved this April to the Condo, the dementia came on so quickly, I couldn't deny it.

In my heart, I began to "entertain" the idea that Shorty wasn't going to out live me.  Although, I'd secretly wished she would so I'd never have to go through a day like today.  But somehow, I've got to dig deep and lean in on Jesus right now.  I feel my faith, trust and belief vanished for a few days as the grief was so unbearable at times.  I'm not a good griever.  I don't allow myself much in that area and can mentally demand that I "get over it."  Not this time.  There's no "getting over it."  I'm going to have to walk through the grief, step by step, minute by minute, until finally there's more grace than grief and joy returns. 

Today, I saw the most beautiful acts of friendship and compassion between Gary, Jimmy, my father-in-law, Twilla Woolsey, my sweet friend and Tami Cox, another sweet friend, plus all the staff and Dr. Solomon at Swann's Animal Clinic.  Shorty had never been a patient there, but I knew I had to find a Veterinarian who was compassionate, understanding and would allow me to hold Shorty as she fell asleep in my arms.  It was so important to me to have a peaceful experience, that I wasn't able to make the decision until we found Swann.  I am so grateful to all those present today with Shorty and me as our life here on Earth ended together.

Shorty is now buried in my father and mother-in-law's backyard where I can visit her grave anytime.  I'm extremely grateful for that as well.  My stomach still gnaws at me and my heart still grieves this precious dog/child, but I'm trying to look on the bright side. . .I have a loving husband who understands my love of Shorty, I have wonderful friends and family who understand and I have another dachshund, Sugar, whom God put in my life 2 weeks ago....we ran right into each other as she strode down the sidewalk of a busy street with no tags on, no collar, nothing.  God assured me that He created her just for me, for such a time as this.  She has helped ease the pain of Shorty's passing.

It's minute by minute right now.  I look forward to day by day, year by year and then, as I enter the gates of Heaven, Shorty will meet me, running as fast as she can, tail wagging, tongue licking.  Thank You, Sweet Jesus for hope.

"May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in Him, so that you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit."

Romans 15:13