Coming Full Circle

On October 11, 2012, I have the honor and privilege of speaking at the First Baptist Church in Sunray, Texas.  Now, to some big city folks, that might not seem like such a great honor, but for me, it is.  You see, that is the small town I grew up in.  The town where I thought everything in life happened and if I went out of town, I might miss something!  Yes, that is true!

I'm reading through my book again and am reminded that for many years, I held such bad memories in my heart of Sunray.  My parents divorced, my dad died, my family dismantled in a horrible way, my mom died....you get the picture.  These events scarred me for years and I carried wounds so deeply in my soul, I didn't even know they still existed until I began writing my book.

So after five long years of writing and healing, soon I will be standing in the very church I attended with my friends, the Cartrite's.  Oh, how they tried to help me, direct me, teach me as a young girl to come to Jesus.  I never got it at that young age, but I'll never forget their love for me. 

I am looking so forward to this time at home with my friends of long ago.  I'm thrilled to tell my testimony to those who loved me and wanted the best for me.  I took the long way around the mountain, but God has done an amazing work in my heart with His love, grace and mercy and I am here to tell the story!  There is victory to be celebrated!!  Thank You, Lord!

They overcame him by the blood of the Lamb and the word of their testimony; 

they did not love their lives so much as to shrink from death.

Revelation 12:11

A Change of Heart

"No, a true Jew is one whose heart is right with God.  And true circumcision is not merely obeying the letter of the law; rather, it is a change of heart produced by God's Spirit.  And a person with a changed heart seeks praise from God, not from people." ~ Romans 2:29 NLT

One of my favorite quote is:  "You cannot hide a changed heart."  I love that.  It's true, you know?  Have you ever run across someone you haven't seen in years and they are completely different than what you remember? (In a good way?)  What happened, you wonder?  Somewhere along their journey, they must have had a 'change of heart.'

God did a real number on my heart several years ago, once I allowed Him access.  For so many years, I kept God at arm's length because I honestly didn't want to go through the pain of a changed heart.  But then, the pain I was in became more than the pain of changing my heart.  I got on my knees and cried out to God, "Change Me!!!"  I didn't ask God to change anyone else but me. I no longer blamed others, but finally decided it was time I prayed that God change me, instead of everyone else.

You know what happened after that?  Nothing short of a total transformation in my life-seriously!  I began to focus on what was out of whack with me, instead of everyone else and that's when my life changed tremendously!  My only regret is that I didn't do that sooner.

So, is there something keeping you from a 'change of heart?'  Fear?  Stubbornness? Pride?  Whatever it is, dump it and ask God to sincerely change YOUR heart.  He will gladly come to your rescue and answer that prayer...in fact, I sometimes wonder if that is not God's favorite prayer from His children:

"God, will You change my heart to be more like Yours?"

Dog Birthdays in Heaven?

Jesus and Shorty

Today would be Shorty's 15th birthday and I'm wondering how dogs celebrate in Heaven. . .?  I can imagine Shorty running through the grass, playing with the other dogs, and Itty (my cat).  It's been almost 3 weeks since Shorty went to be with the Lord.  The first three days after Shorty's passing were absolutely grueling.  There were many times I didn't think the pain would let up and the heaviness was almost unbearable occasionally.

Then, on the fourth day, God whispered to my Spirit, "Dawn, I gave Shorty to you for a season in your life to fulfill a purpose.  Shorty was wonderful for you during that season and many times, was like an Angel that helped you through some dark days, all the while, bringing you joy every time you walked in your house and she ran to meet you.  Shorty fulfilled her purpose in your life and for that season and now it's time for her to come on home.  That is why I've now given you Sugar.  She will fulfill a different purpose in your life and in this new season."

Sugar and Me

It was those words from God that finally brought some much needed peace to my aching heart.  God knew I needed a "cross-over" dachshund if the time ever came to put Shorty to sleep.  Honestly, I couldn't imagine NOT having a dachshund in my life-ever!  God also knew that I didn't need a puppy to have to train, but I needed a loving dachshund who would sit on my lap for hours; who would be happy to visit my aunts without barking or nervousness; who could travel easily with me if I needed to sneak her into a hotel; a dog who fell in love with me as quickly as I fell in love with her....and many more attributes that go unsaid...but understood.  God knew what I needed even before I asked.

It's crazy to think that He just put Sugar in my path one day, but He did.  I know why and so does He.  My tears today are for joy to celebrate all the wonderful years I had with Shorty Danielle and the wonderful gift God gave me in Sugar Britches.  I am so grateful.  I look at Sugar and see how GOOD God is to me...His mercy triumphs everything.  For all you pet lovers who have lost a loved one, my heart goes out to you as well.  It's difficult to understand the remarkable bond between pet and human...but it is undeniably sometimes thicker than skin, huh?

"The Lord is good to those whose hope is in Him, to the one who seeks Him."

Lamentations 3:25

Life without Shorty

Today ended an almost 15 year relationship between Shorty Danielle, my beloved dachshund dog/child and me.  Our relationship was never "normal", but undeniably, she was a part of me and I of her.  I've never loved a dog like I loved her.  She was without doubt, an Angel sent by God to be with me for almost 15 years.  A constant companion through thick and thin.

Making the decision to put Shorty to sleep has been one of the most difficult decisions I've made in a LONG time. (Don't let the smile fool ya, there's a heart broken into a million pieces underneath it.) Her mental capacity had diminished so drastically in the past few months, I could no longer deny her age and the progression of her dementia.  Denial is such a protective sheath until one day, it's yanked away and you can no longer deny what is right in front of you.

Shorty and Me 8-9-12

When I look back over the past year, I can see when the decline started.  I think the move in April 2010 over to Greenbriar was more difficult for her older mind than I ever dreamed.  She was 13 when we moved and dogs over 7 are considered geriatric.  When their environments change dramatically, it can cause the dementia to escalate.  I see now when the decline started.  Then when we moved this April to the Condo, the dementia came on so quickly, I couldn't deny it.

In my heart, I began to "entertain" the idea that Shorty wasn't going to out live me.  Although, I'd secretly wished she would so I'd never have to go through a day like today.  But somehow, I've got to dig deep and lean in on Jesus right now.  I feel my faith, trust and belief vanished for a few days as the grief was so unbearable at times.  I'm not a good griever.  I don't allow myself much in that area and can mentally demand that I "get over it."  Not this time.  There's no "getting over it."  I'm going to have to walk through the grief, step by step, minute by minute, until finally there's more grace than grief and joy returns. 

Today, I saw the most beautiful acts of friendship and compassion between Gary, Jimmy, my father-in-law, Twilla Woolsey, my sweet friend and Tami Cox, another sweet friend, plus all the staff and Dr. Solomon at Swann's Animal Clinic.  Shorty had never been a patient there, but I knew I had to find a Veterinarian who was compassionate, understanding and would allow me to hold Shorty as she fell asleep in my arms.  It was so important to me to have a peaceful experience, that I wasn't able to make the decision until we found Swann.  I am so grateful to all those present today with Shorty and me as our life here on Earth ended together.

Shorty is now buried in my father and mother-in-law's backyard where I can visit her grave anytime.  I'm extremely grateful for that as well.  My stomach still gnaws at me and my heart still grieves this precious dog/child, but I'm trying to look on the bright side. . .I have a loving husband who understands my love of Shorty, I have wonderful friends and family who understand and I have another dachshund, Sugar, whom God put in my life 2 weeks ago....we ran right into each other as she strode down the sidewalk of a busy street with no tags on, no collar, nothing.  God assured me that He created her just for me, for such a time as this.  She has helped ease the pain of Shorty's passing.

It's minute by minute right now.  I look forward to day by day, year by year and then, as I enter the gates of Heaven, Shorty will meet me, running as fast as she can, tail wagging, tongue licking.  Thank You, Sweet Jesus for hope.

"May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in Him, so that you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit."

Romans 15:13

Just How Big A Boy Are Ya?

The other day, God in all His sweet graciousness, gave me a word picture of satan and what I'm up against when he drives himself into my life, into a relationship or any area God has given me...So go here with me in your imagination if you will. . .

I get an "invitation" to meet satan one night at a parking lot...he's ready to fight and all week long he's been driving by my house, revving up his engine really loud, squealing and burning out on his tires and just really making a menace of himself in my world...

From what I hear of his rumblings outside my house, it's a bit intimidating, to say the least!  I allow fear to well up inside me and I begin to question, "Do I really believe I can trample him down like the bible says I can?  Do I really believe I can overcome him?"  But I have to prove that I believe what I say I believe, so I take his invitation and meet him at the parking lot for the "fight!"

I pull up in my 4-door Camry with it's quiet engine, normal car-sized tires and wait. . .heart is beating faster and faster....palms are sweating..."oh my. . .can I do this?" I wonder.
Then, I hear this LOUD noise coming around the block and think, "What on Earth is that?"  And around the bend comes this HUGE black truck, tires so big, they look like they belong on a tractor!  The engine is so LOUD I put my hands over my ears to block out the obnoxious sound!  The windows are tinted black and I can't even make out the driver, but I know it's him.  He pulls right up to my front bumper, and has the audacity to bump it and start to push my car backwards.  I put my foot on the brake-I'm standing firm.  He finally stops, puts his big monster truck in park and opens his driver's side door. 

I get out of my car and come around to meet him, just  a few feet away from his door....then I see something silver sliding down from the cab...it's a LADDER!  Yes! I kid you not!  He slides a ladder to the pavement, makes sure it's secure and then steps down it, one little foot at a time...I see these pint-sized legs emerge down the steps and wonder, "who is this?"  With both feet firmly on the ground, he turns to me-hands on his hips, scowl on his face and says, "You wanna a piece of me," with a squeaky voice to fit his stature....all 3 feet of him! 

I could not believe my eyes!  I chuckled out loud and said, "This is it?  You're the guy in the big monster truck, driving by my house, trying to intimidate me?  You're it?" I can't help but laugh at the little man standing before me, shaking my head in disbelief!  I walk over to him, jump up, and trample him in one swift move..."I'm so done with you, satan," I casually say as I walk back to my car, get in, and drive away.  I'm still shaking my head today in disbelief that for YEARS I've allowed him to intimidate me, scare me, defeat me, deceive me and even try to destroy me.  I will never look at him the same way and I hope you won't either! :)

I have given you authority to trample on snakes and scorpions and to overcome all the power of the enemy; nothing will harm you.

Luke 10:19 NIV

Run TO God - Not Away from Him

A sweet word from the Lord this morning in my quiet time. . .

I am not the God who cracks the whip, waiting to punish and ridicule you when you make a mistake; waiting to condemn your every wrong word or move. I AM a God of Love.  I AM LOVE - I exude love, emit love, bleed love, pour out love!  I love you!  I love My people so much!  Yet, they run from Me seeking places to hide from Me - when all I've ever wanted was for them to run to Me!

It's similar to when you (Dawn) hold your arms out to Shorty (my precious dog) and she looks at you and walks away.  How do you feel when she does that?  Sad, disappointed, rejected.

All you wanted was for her to come to you and let you hold her and love on her, be near her because you adore her, right? Right.

But she's stubborn and she walks off.  Maybe she fears you'll load her up in the car and haul her off to the Vet's office (she hates that.)  But in reality, that wasn't your plan at all.  You deeply desired to love on her, pet her and show her how much she means to you.

It's no different with My children.  I desperately want them to come to me.  My arms are wide open.  I want to love on them because I adore them.  They make Me smile.  Yet, so many of my children walk away, afraid I have punishment for them instead of love.  In that case, we both miss out on the blessing of My unfailing, unconditional love.

Because I AM Love and that's what I have for you, My children - all I want is for you to love Me, Your God, with all your heart, all your soul and all your mind. This is the first and great commandment. (Matt. 22:37-38)  Why?  To restrict you?  To bind you?  To control you?  No! Not at all!  But to lavish you with what you've been searching for all your life.  You need not search any longer.  I AM here.  I AM the Love you've been chasing after all along.  My arms are open.  My Love is free for you.  Come, receive the endless Love I have for you, My children.

Taste and see that I AM good!  Blessed is the one who takes refuge in Me. (Ps. 34:8)

My Goal is to NOT Sin. . .

I John 2:1-2

"My dear children, I am writing this to you so that you will not sin. But if anyone does sin, we have an advocate who pleads our case before the Father.  He is Jesus Christ, the One who is truly righteous.  He Himself is the sacrifice that atones for our sins-and not only our sins but the sins of all the world."

It sounds presumptuous to say, "...My goal is to NOT sin," doesn't it?  Even writing that seems somewhat pompous, but the truth is....as a Christian, my goal is to NOT sin, but to live like Christ.  Because of the powerful grace of God, I have the nature of Christ (His Spirit) living inside me since I was born again!

BUT. . .

"....if anyone does sin, we have an advocate who pleads our case before the Father.  He is Jesus Christ, the One who is truly righteous."

Notice, the scripture says, ". . .but, if".....not "....but, when"....would it be safe to say that John is speaking to us as if we probably won't sin?  He certainly doesn't assume we are going to sin, or he might have used the word "when"...not "if." 

I sinned last weekend.  I sin most every day, but last weekend was a blatant sin.  Is there any difference from the blatant sins and the secret sins?  No. No difference at all except this, one is in front of people, one is in the dark where no one sees...No one except God the Father.

My old self and nature wanted to allow guilt, shame and condemnation to come flooding in and take up residence, but I had to fight hard to not allow that.  What was my tactic?  Admit my sin, (confession to God and my sweet husband), repent (feel enough remorse that I don't want to do that again), and seek God's forgiveness, (even though I've already been forgiven of all my sins, past, present and future.) 

So, if I'm already forgiven, then why the 3-step process mentioned above from
I John 1:9?  For me, it puts me in a position of humility...which thankfully is the opposite of pride, which by the way, can be a #1 culprit of sin.

My goal is to NOT sin.  I must be on guard at all times for the enemy who is lurking around, seeking whom he may devour.  It's easy to get complacent and comfortable, and that is when the enemy strikes, catches me off-guard and causes me to stumble.  God has given me ample revelation already about the enemy's tactics, I must use that knowledge and the Sword of the Word to combat his every scheme.  Today, I am most grateful that I have an Advocate who pleads my case before my Father in Heaven.  There is no sin so great that could ever change God's love for us....He is full of grace, mercy and peace for all of us.

Stay alert! Watch out for your great enemy, the devil. He prowls around like a roaring lion, looking for someone to devour.

 I Peter 5:8 NLT