Today ended an almost 15 year relationship between Shorty Danielle, my beloved dachshund dog/child and me. Our relationship was never "normal", but undeniably, she was a part of me and I of her. I've never loved a dog like I loved her. She was without doubt, an Angel sent by God to be with me for almost 15 years. A constant companion through thick and thin.
Making the decision to put Shorty to sleep has been one of the most difficult decisions I've made in a LONG time.
(Don't let the smile fool ya, there's a heart broken into a million pieces underneath it.) Her mental capacity had diminished so drastically in the past few months, I could no longer deny her age and the progression of her dementia. Denial is such a protective sheath until one day, it's yanked away and you can no longer deny what is right in front of you.
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| Shorty and Me 8-9-12 |
When I look back over the past year, I can see when the decline started. I think the move in April 2010 over to Greenbriar was more difficult for her older mind than I ever dreamed. She was 13 when we moved and dogs over 7 are considered geriatric. When their environments change dramatically, it can cause the dementia to escalate. I see now when the decline started. Then when we moved this April to the Condo, the dementia came on so quickly, I couldn't deny it.
In my heart, I began to "entertain" the idea that Shorty wasn't going to out live me.
Although, I'd secretly wished she would so I'd never have to go through a day like today. But somehow, I've got to dig deep and lean in on Jesus right now. I feel my faith, trust and belief vanished for a few days as the grief was so unbearable at times. I'm not a good griever. I don't allow myself much in that area and can mentally demand that I "get over it." Not this time. There's no "getting over it." I'm going to have to walk through the grief, step by step, minute by minute, until finally there's more grace than grief and joy returns.
Today, I saw the most beautiful acts of friendship and compassion between Gary, Jimmy, my father-in-law, Twilla Woolsey, my sweet friend and Tami Cox, another sweet friend, plus all the staff and Dr. Solomon at Swann's Animal Clinic. Shorty had never been a patient there, but I knew I had to find a Veterinarian who was compassionate, understanding and would allow me to hold Shorty as she fell asleep in my arms. It was so important to me to have a peaceful experience, that I wasn't able to make the decision until we found Swann. I am so grateful to all those present today with Shorty and me as our life here on Earth ended together.
Shorty is now buried in my father and mother-in-law's backyard where I can visit her grave anytime. I'm extremely grateful for that as well. My stomach still gnaws at me and my heart still grieves this precious dog/child, but I'm trying to look on the bright side. . .I have a loving husband who understands my love of Shorty, I have wonderful friends and family who understand and I have another dachshund, Sugar, whom God put in my life 2 weeks ago....we ran right into each other as she strode down the sidewalk of a busy street with no tags on, no collar, nothing. God assured me that He created her just for me, for such a time as this. She has helped ease the pain of Shorty's passing.
It's minute by minute right now. I look forward to day by day, year by year and then, as I enter the gates of Heaven, Shorty will meet me, running as fast as she can, tail wagging, tongue licking. Thank You, Sweet Jesus for hope.
"May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in Him, so that you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit."
Romans 15:13
